mommy; on your 50 somethingth birthday

Mommy

.facebook_1441285668319I can’t buy you a present this year, and that breaks my heart. It’s been a pretty tough year for me, financially, emotionally and physically, but as always, you were one of my constants. My support, my foundation, my rock. My person.

Our late night bbm chats that kept me sane during the first few months of the twins’ lives; our nonsense bbm chats that kept me smiling. Our shared love of sweet Rose wine (the more the safer it is for those around us). Sitting in complete silence, knowing what each other was thinking and feeling. Your hugs that banish all of the sadness in my life. Your kisses that calm me. Your unconditional love for my children. Your spoils and treats to them; your hugs and kisses..facebook_1441285760549 Your special “Nana-kiss” with Morgan-Lee. The sparkle in your eye when the twins smile at you. The smile on your face that lights up my heart.

Your Facebook posts that I wake up every single morning that involve either me or my children. Your ideas and dreams. Your happiness and sorrows. Your calm manner when I feel that my entire world is imploding around me. Your respect for the way and manner in which I raise my children. Your sneaky treats when you think I’m not looking. Your unconditional love for all of us.

The silent frustration you have when you can’t do anything more than hold me, but so often, that’s all I need. “We’ll figure it out” is something I’ve become so used to hearing from you. And somehow, we do. My fear of disappointing you so quickly washed aside with your ever constant reassurance.

Knowing that my children have the best Nana in the world, second only to my Nana, your mommy.

God I love you ma.

Happy Birthday.

Gazillions

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and the craziness continues

Last week was the last of my maternity leave. 4 months, gone just like that. So of course, Murphy had to get in on it, and have some fun.

2 Friday’s ago, I started having some pain in my right lower abdomen. Nothing too serious, so I didn’t worry about it. When I woke up on Saturday morning, the pain was unfortunately far more significant, and I was battling to move, sit, stand, walk etc. This continued, and finally on Sunday night I told my husband. He wasn’t too happy, and poked and prodded me to see if it was appendicitis. The pain, even though presenting in the right area for appendicitis, wasn’t acting like appendicitis pain, if that makes sense. Eventually on Tuesday, I made an appointment to go and see the doctor, as it was really unpleasant, and it was hindering my ability to take care of the twins, and to just do normal things! My GP wasn’t happy with the pain, and sent me off to the general surgeon at our local hospital. I was told that he would only see me on Wednesday morning, so I was admitted into hospital, where the nurses promptly gave me supper. 20 minutes later the surgeon arrived to assess me. Thanks Murphy, thanks. After assessing me, the surgeon agreed that it was appendicitis and that if I hadn’t had supper already, he would have operated that night. He said that an ultrasound would be scheduled for the Wednesday morning, followed by key hole surgery to remove my appendix. Yay. Night one away from the twins was now well under way. Thank goodness for my amazing mom, who spent both nights that I was away at my house, taking amazing care of the twins.

At about 11pm the nursing staff came through to setup a drip, as the surgeon had prescribed antibiotics, for ‘just in case’.

The first drip site that blew, 5 days post hospital.

The first drip site that blew, 5 days post hospital.

I left hospital with 4 different drip sites, as the first one blew, the second one was removed during surgery for the third one to be inserted, the third one also blew and the fourth one held until my discharge. So I was really the human pin cushion!

I awoke on Wednesday morning, and apart from my body demanding that I breastfeed the twins (thank goodness for breast pumps – and I actually remembered to pack mine!) I was feeling a bit better, until I decided to get up. I went for the ultrasound a few hours later, and it was determined that something wasn’t right, but that they couldn’t see what. Oh yay. My surgery was then scheduled for 1pm.

Just before 1pm, I was told that the surgery had been postponed to 3pm. Ok great, another 2 hours of waiting. Once I arrived at the waiting area to be taken into theater, I was told that my surgery had been postponed again, to 4pm. Eventually I was taken in, and awoke an hour or so later in recovery, completely high on whatever drugs that had me on. It took me 2 days to figure out why my backside was so sore, until I realised that when I was back in my room, they had jabbed me with more pain meds! Because the surgery had been rescheduled for so much later in the day, I had to spend another night in hospital, but luckily was discharged by 8am on Thursday morning. When the surgeon came to see me on Thursday morning, he explained that yes, my appendix was inflamed and infected, but the main cause of my pain was actually my right Fallopian tube, as it had formed an abscess from my previous surgery back in February (I had my tubes tied during the c-section) and had stuck to my abdomen wall. Yeah, not cool at all! So he removed both the tube and appendix.

When I was discharged, my husband collected me. I got home, had time to unpack my bags, kiss my babies, and then I had to climb into the car (as in drive the car!) to go and fetch my eldest daughter, and then go down to the unemployment office about 30km away, to submit my April paperwork for my maternity leave. And it had to be done on the 30th, as the 1st of May was a public holiday, I started work again yesterday, and you can’t submit any paperwork once you’re back at work!

I had also planned to send my car in to be checked out on Wednesday, as I wanted to have everything ready for work on Monday, and didn’t want my car issues to interfere with my work. Well, thanks again Murphy, because I had to cancel the appointment for my car, as I was lying in a hospital bed, and reschedule it for today, when I’m back at work!

So Murphy, well, well played.

G

there was nothing un-special about her

I’m very sentimental with names. In naming my daughter, she has a name that both my husband and I share, and her middle name is both her paternal Nana’s name and my late maternal Nana’s name. This time around, we’ve had to come up with 2 boys and 2 girls names, as we still don’t know what sexes the twins are. We should hopefully find out next week, but I digress.

My aunt, uncle and cousins were out from the UK in July/August, and we had a lunch date before they left Durban for Johannesburg. We were chatting names, and I’d mentioned that I was really battling to find names on my paternal side of the family that I liked and wanted to name the twins after. I was then informed of a very interesting little fact; my late Gogo, who was someone that I admired, respected and looked up to in every aspect, was not given her own name in a sense. In the 1930’s, when she was born, you had to have registered your child within 2 days of he/she being born. Her parents hadn’t yet decided on a name, and so named her after her mother; both first and second names! Their intention was to change her name once they had chosen a name for her, but it never happened, and her name stuck. It might seem insignificant, but it really made my jaw drop. Such an amazing woman, such a strong woman, such an independant woman was never named as such.

So even though there was nothing overly ‘special’ about my Gogo’s name, she was beyond special to me.

G

i forgot

On the 9th of July, it was 3 years since my Gogo (grandmother in isiZulu) passed away.  And I forgot.  I don’t know how I forgot;  she is constantly in my thoughts, I knew the 3rd anniversary of her passing was coming up.  And then today, I realised that I had totally forgotten about it.

My gran was one of the healthiest people that I’ve ever known.  She walked on a daily basis, she ate healthily, watched her cholesterol and lived an overall healthy lifestyle.  She emigrated to the UK in July 2009;  I saw her for the last time on the 19th of July and she flew out on the 20th.  She passed away from bowel cancer on the 9th of July, 2011.  I had seen her once or twice since 2009 via Skype, and then we had emailed as well, but it wasn’t the same.  She also saw M-L once via Skype, when she was about 4-6 months old, I’m not too sure of the dates.  But I forgot about the anniversary.  How could I forget?

I’m not that great with people’s birthdays (thanks Facebook 🙂 ) but  for some morbid reason, I’m really good with death dates.

24 October 2000 – my Nana passed away (cancer)
24 July 2004 – my ex-boyfriend’s (now dear friend) mom passed away (cancer)
14 June 2008 – a school friend was murdered in a hijacking (shot in her chest)
09 July 2011 – my Gogo passed away (cancer)

Perhaps it was due to everything happening in my life at the moment;  on the 3rd anniversary I was pregnant, but we didn’t know that it was twins but even still it was weighing on my mind.  Financial stress, car stress, but none of those factors should have allowed me to forget such an important date.  I cannot allow my life to overshadow the other things going on around me.

Gog’s, I think about you almost every single day.  I miss you, and I love you dearly.

I’ll be seeing you.

G

i kept my promise (sort of)

This weekend has come and gone, but the promise that I made M-L earlier on in the week, I stuck to.  Well, sort of.  I didn’t spend every waking minute of Saturday with her;  after the animal farm (we were there for about 3 or so hours) we went back to my mom’s house and I kinda passed out on her couch.  But I was dosing in and out, and could hear M-L, and she also sat on the couch, watched some tv and drew some pictures.  I’m exceptionally tired lately, but I am so glad that I did get to spend some quality time with her on Saturday, and also my mom!  We haven’t had a proper girls’ day out in months!  So enough words, time for some pictures 🙂

Some pretty painted nails for a start...

Some pretty painted nails for a start…

Feeding the Llama, that was actually an Alpaca...

Feeding the Llama, that was actually an Alpaca…

Nana help!

Nana help!

Nana distracted the Alpaca so that M-L could feed the goats!  The Alpaca was a greedy little (big) thing!

Nana distracted the Alpaca so that M-L could feed the goats! The Alpaca was a greedy little (big) thing!

Feeding the guinea fowl - they took the food right from M-L's fingers!

Feeding the guinea fowl – they took the food right from M-L’s fingers!

Even Nana got some guinea fowl action :)

Even Nana got some guinea fowl action 🙂

Such a friendly horse!

Such a friendly horse!

M-L LOVED the horse, and the horse seemed very keen on her too!

M-L LOVED the horse, and the horse seemed very keen on her too!

Oh look, the horse. Again...

Oh look, the horse. Again…

And what's a trip to the animal farm, without a pony ride?!

And what’s a trip to the animal farm, without a pony ride?!

And then it was time for tea.  Yeah, my thoughts exactly!

And then it was time for tea. Yeah, my thoughts exactly!

Such a yummy cupcake!

Such a yummy cupcake!

1 x happy princess = 1 x happy mommy

1 x happy princess = 1 x happy mommy