he’s a good man

The husband and I have a unique relationship. We’ve been together for 11 and a bit years; I’m 28 and he’s 33. He has travelled, I have not. He has had to provide for himself; I have always been under someone else’s roof. His nickname for me is “buzzard” and mine for him is “grumpy.” We have the most awful fights; fights that involve swearing, yelling, tears from both of us, and inevitably me considering leaving. But we always find our way back to one another.

Yesterday was not a good day for me. And it actually had nothing to do with him. It has been bugging me a bit as to why he phoned me so early yesterday morning; he phoned me at about 7:30am when we normally speak only at about 9-10am every morning. When I asked him this morning why he phoned me earlier than normal, he said this:

“I could tell that something wasn’t right with you. I needed to know if you were ok.”

Wow people. Just wow. That is not something he does. L is a complicated person at times, and can so often come across as a bit of an asshole to those that haven’t yet gotten to know him. He detests bullshit, and says it like it is. Tact, he has none. He is hard arsed, and a grumpy ass most days, especially in the mornings, and I do sometimes (read a lot of the time) question his love for me, because he doesn’t really show it. He is not a physical person in the sense of coming up to hug me, or just giving my shoulders a rub etc. Our non-intimate physical contact consists of a kiss in the morning when we wake up, a kiss when we get home from work, and a kiss before bed. That is how he shows his love. I’m a relatively affectionate person; at one stage he even referred to me as his “cling-on”! Late last week he came up to me in the kitchen and gave me a hug; a big bear hug and I actually can’t even tell you what I was doing or thinking, because I just stopped! That action simply took my breath away. I remember turning around to face him so that I could return his hug, and it was just wonderful. I then mentioned to him that we need to hug more, and he actually agreed!

I don’t know if it’s how he was brought up or wasn’t brought up, but his lack of loving emotions is something that has concerned me over the years. Let me rephrase; his lack of SHOWING his loving emotions. He very easily expresses his anger and frustration as I think we all do, but love, that’s a bit of a toughie for him. But by doing what he did yesterday; I kinda fell in love with him all over again. I want to throttle him on most days, at the best of times but he is a good man. We were chatting on the weekend, and I asked him that if he looked back to his life 15 years ago, if he thought that he would be here; (happily) married, a beautiful daughter, another 2 babies on the way, his own home (even though rented), his own car, and he simply replied, no. L has been through a lot in his life, especially in his teenage years, and is commonly referred to as the black sheep in his family. We each had such different upbringings; he rebelled, I didn’t. I respected curfews, he didn’t. He dropped out of school; I worked my ass off and got some damn respectable final marks. He tried ending his life. I had a pampered upbringing; he didn’t. Let me rephrase; pampered not in the sense that I had a silver spoon in my mouth, but I never really had to fend for myself. L has been on his own since 15, perhaps younger. But that’s the path that he chose. A section of that path was in a sense forced upon him, but he is ultimately responsible for the decision that he made in his younger years.

We have a far from perfect relationship, but the thought that I get to go home to him every afternoon, reassures me, calms me. Some days it does the complete opposite, like when I have to think of fluffy white unicorns farting glitter to prevent myself from throwing something at him, but the good, as scarce as it sometimes can be, holds so much more than the bad.

To quote the hilariously alcoholic gran in Spanglish

“There are worse things in life than realising that you love your husband.”

G

Yeah, I love him ;)

Yeah, I love him 😉

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i have a broken heart

Last week Friday, my best friend for the past 7 years moved away. Luckily just to another province, but it may as well have been another continent. I took the day off of work, so that we could spend the morning together and have breakfast, before she made her 5 hour drive up the map to the Free State. Her decision was made last year, but her destination changed twice before she finally decided where she was going to end up.

V has her head screwed on the right way, whereas I don’t. And that’s one of the many reasons that we clicked. V has had her share of heartache and drama; from cheating ex-husbands leaving her in financial distress, to abusing boyfriends, to working 2 jobs trying to make ends meet. And you know what? It has all paid off. V doesn’t have a job to go to, but she has a savings kitty to fall back on, plus her mom plus the most AMAZING boyfriend. V has worked her backside off these past few years; she hasn’t sat back and waited for life to be fair; she’s gone out and demanded her piece of it.

You always know where you stand with V. She says it like it is. Our one truly awful fight in December 2010 almost broke me, because not having her in my life was so wrong, it felt unnatural. The other fantastic thing about V, is that she knew how to keep business and personal separate. We met in 2007 when I started my previous job, and over the years she’s taught me, criticised me, given me warnings, but then after work we’ve gone out for supper or drinks, or a girls’ night out where I’ve woken up the next morning wondering how the hell I ended up on her couch!

M-L ADORES V. I mean ADORES. You’d think that V was her mother instead of me! We went out for supper a few weeks ago (that was the night that the waiter let M-L out into the parking lot) and the way that M-L squealed when she saw V on the other side of the restaurant, and then ran towards her at full speed, and literally threw herself into her waiting arms, had the whole restaurant looking our way, and every person watching us had the goofiest grin on their face, because even they could see the love emulating from my daughter to V.

V and I have laughed together, cried together, we’ve even fought together (although I’m happy to report not that much) and right now, at this point in time, I feel hollow. A piece of my heart is missing, and it’s sitting in Welkom. Most Wednesday’s after lectures I’d stop at V’s house as it was on the way home, and I keep having to remind myself that I mustn’t do that tomorrow, because she doesn’t live here anymore.

My heart is sore.

My heart is weeping.

My heart is broken.

G

the greatest blog post in the world

Is not this one.

My mom and I were chatting yesterday evening after I’d stopped by at her house after work and fetching M-L from creche, and our little routine is that she carries M-L to the car, buckles her into her car seat, and then we end up chatting for 2mins, 5mins, sometimes 10mins. She stands outside the car, next to M-L, door open and I sit in the driver’s seat, and we just chat. Sometimes about random stuff, sometimes about important stuff, but it’s mostly venting or ranting or just arbitrary nonsense.

But yesterday, she gave me such a great blogging idea, an idea so immense, that I have totally forgotten what it was. I literally forgot in the time that it took from driving from her house to my house, which is 7km away, and takes me generally about 5-10mins, depending on my mood which ultimately determines my driving style.

I could absolutely kick myself; I sometimes really struggle to find a decent topic to blog about and then when I do, I either duff it up by stumbling through it, or forgetting it altogether.

It’s crazy; I can remember lines in a play, recite poetry by heart, remember lyrics to a song, but I cannot remember something that I was discussing 10mins earlier. This short-term memory lapse thing is really crap! My hubby has been going on about it for years, but now that it’s starting to frustrate me, I kinda get the steam pouring out of his ears when he asks me what I think about something, and I turn around and say “about what?”

I have been told so many times to write stuff down, but that’s just not who I am. I used to be able to have our weekly production meetings, and type out the minutes afterwards purely from memory! I can recall things discussed in last week’s meeting, or even the meeting from 2 months ago, just don’t ask me what we discussed this morning. I haven’t suffered a head injury (that I’m aware of!) and the only thing I can think of is the dreaded, sometimes fictitious ‘pregnancy brain’ but c’mon, it’s been 4 years already! Almost 5 if you include the pregnancy!

Ay, I dunno. I tend to remember things when I see someone else blog about it, or talk about it, or take a picture of it, and I’m like damn, that could have been me.

One day 😉

G

the princess turns 4!

It's Stuffy mommy!

It’s Stuffy mommy!

So Saturday has come and gone, and oh what a fantastically wonderful day it was! It started with me getting up at 04h20 on Saturday morning, to finish the treasure maps, as I had printed them out of Friday, but was just too tired to complete them on Friday night. I gave up with staining the maps with tea bags as the pages would have never dried in time, so I stood in our kitchen, burning the edges of the maps with my hubby’s lighter, destroying my poor thumb in the process, as well as killing my hubby’s lighter. Oops?! Brightspark (excuse the pun ;)) over here then had the INCREDIBLE idea to burn the edges of the maps with our gas top, I mean duh! It seems so logical! A candle would have also sufficed, but I’m not that logical… So I rolled 30 maps, tied them with ribbon, and then almost set 26 of them alight.
It's Doc McStuffins! (And as excited as she was, that's actually a yawn that I caught her in!)

It’s Doc McStuffins! (And as excited as she was, that’s actually a yawn that I caught her in!)

That took me to about 06h00 or thereabouts, and I then decided to go and have a shower and get ready for the party, as I still had to go through to the shops for breadrolls and gold coins 🙂 Hubby woke up M-L at about 06h30 and we then gave her her 2 presents; 1 from us and 1 from her Nana and Kulu in Port Elizabeth.So after the presents were unwrapped and the princess and I dressed in our pirate gear, I made my way through to Hillcrest to get the last minute items. And of course my list of 2 things became 10 things, and I ended up buying things like polystyrene cups and paper plates for the adults which weren’t even needed, as the venue provided crockery for the adults, but in my mad panic I forgot this little detail…
My beautiful sister, the pirate princess and me :)

My beautiful sister, the pirate princess and me 🙂

I wanted to be at the venue at 08h00 as the party was starting at 10h00 and I still needed to decorate and I was seriously worried that 2 hours was not going to be long enough. That’s me, always in a panic, especially when it comes to my daughter’s party. Thank goodness it only happens once a year… Anyway, I got to Akimbo just after 08h20 and started setting up, and was ready to go at 09h40, 20mins before the party was set to start.
Arriving at her Jake & the Neverland Pirates party :)

Arriving at her Jake & the Neverland Pirates party 🙂

I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day; the weather forecast had said all week that it was going to be raining on Saturday, so when we woke up to blue skies and scattered clouds, I was one very happy mama! Some of our guests even got sunburnt! As a contingency plan, hubby and I had asked my mom to bake 3 dozen cupcakes, and then we were going to get the kids to ice and decorate them. That I think, should win party planning award of the year. It was such a success, with kids making 2 and even 3 cupcakes! It was just so much fun – thanks for baking the cupcakes and making the icing and organising the sprinkles ma!
The kidlets icing and decorating their cupcakes

The kidlets icing and decorating their cupcakes

My awesome mom had even organised a jumping castle for the princess, and as I had promised her one months ago, that was just perfect 🙂 Hubby made swords for the boys, and we both made fairy bags for the girls, and then we ended the party off with a treasure hunt. The treasure hunt almost didn’t happen, but as there was about to be a riot due to the fact that I had cancelled the treasure hunt, I very quickly put it back on! Thank goodness I had gone and bought the gold coins, and they ended up being the treasure, instead of my original plan of ‘Captain Hook stealing the party bags’. Oh me and my impulsive decisions!
Notice the beautiful blue sky ;)

Notice the beautiful blue sky 😉

As there were supposed to be close on 30 children at the party, we had organised 2 cakes, but as only about 15 children arrived, I now have cake coming out of my ears! Both cakes were absolutely stunning, both to look at and to eat! Yes, cake IS on the menu in my house for this week 😉
Bucky the pirate ship cakes :)

Bucky the pirate ship cakes 🙂

It was absolutely wonderful having our family and friends there, celebrating my little pumpkin-pie’s 4th birthday party, and out of the 4 parties that we have thrown her, this was by FAR the very best. It has rained on all 3 of her previous birthday parties, plus this year her party was on her actual birthday 🙂 Everything just ran so smoothly, from the goodies from my aunts in both the UK and USA arriving last week (we were seriously stressing that they weren’t) to the catering coming together to the decorations, everything just worked out. There was a minor glitch in the preparation; at 06h34 on Saturday morning the photographer cancelled on me due to car trouble. I just stood there, speechless. I had no idea what to do or say. Hubby came through and asked what was wrong, and through my tears I told him that we no longer had a photographer. He immediately phoned his dad, who let us borrow his AH-MAAAAY-ZING digital camera (the quality is so good, that the minimum picture size is 10mb!) plus I had my bestest friend V and my mom happily snapping away. So crisis averted 🙂 Between the 3 of them, I’d say we got about 600-800 photo’s so I’m certainly not complaining 🙂 The princess was thoroughly spoilt by all that came to the party, and for that I’m so very grateful.
Just some of the 'haul' ;)

Just some of the ‘haul’ 😉

It’s crazy how 7 intense filled months of planning, were done and dusted in just over 2 hours. But you know what, I wouldn’t change a single thing. M-L had such a fantastic morning, and I loved watching her interact with all of her friends and it was really great to socialise with my friends outside of work, and also my family outside of home! The hugest of huge thank-you’s to my wonderful mommy, who without her levelheadedness and calmness, I would NEVER have been able to pull any of this off. To my hubby for constantly putting up with my insanity, spending splurges and ever present calmness – THANK-YOU. And to every single person involved in making Saturday morning happen – THANK-YOU!
The birthday pirate princess!

The birthday pirate princess!

the princess is home!

Well technically she’s at my mom’s house 😉 But she will be home tonight! I am so excited to finish work so that I can go and fetch her, and give her the biggest hug and kiss 🙂 It’s been an absolutely crazy 7 days; my (non-existent) brain is proof of that.

And I figured out last night who the real hog of the bed is – my husband! It was just the 2 of us in our bed last night, and I still almost ended up on the floor! Bed hog! And I also didn’t have the best night’s sleep either unfortunately, but it’s ok. I think I’m actually getting used to this sleep deprivation thing. As long as I get between 4-5 hours sleep a night, I’m ok. I do generally get those hours, but it’s broken sleep, due to my daughter smacking me in the face, a dog snoring, my husband snoring even louder, or a bunny destroying something *sigh*

But I don’t care, because…

My princess is home!

G