1. Pack a baby bag. Forget that your wet wipes are finished, and only pack 1 nappy each. Should be enough. Forget the juice bottles and snacks, because irritable children are such delights in the car.
2. Wrestle 2 toddlers into their car seats, all whilst yelling for your eldest to unglue her face from the tv and get into the car.
3. Once everyone is buckled in, drive off. Stop 20m down the road to turn around and fetch your purse on the kitchen counter.
4. Get to the shopping centre, where the “mom & tots” parking is taken up by non-moms & tots. Eventually find a parking 14km away from the mall entrance.
5. Realising that you’ve also forgotten the pram/stroller, you grab the closest trolley and load all 3 kids in. The eldest inevitably jumps out in the middle of the parking lot to “beat you inside”. The other two are now pulling each other’s hair. Great.
6. Walk into the shop, and instantly start cursing yourself for going out with all 3 kids, all whilst 4 little hands are grabbing every breakable in sight. The other 2 medium sized hands are sizing up the toy aisle. You just walk past.
7. Finally make it to the bread section, after having made a detour down the snack aisle, as 2 shrieking babies does not a fun shopping trip make. Ensure security isn’t watching you as you rip open the packet of chips, and basically throw it at said babies. Grab a loaf of bread.
8. Remove said bread loaf from the trolley, after babies decide that it’s just so interesting, and that they must stand on it. And poke it. And throw it on the floor. Remember that you have a 3rd child still in the toy aisle.
9. Shimmy on over to the toy aisle. Grab eldest child’s hand and drag her away, all whilst trying not to trip over her bottom lip that has suddenly grown 3ft and is now dragging on the floor.
10. Make a u-turn into the dairy aisle, and grab 2 bottles of milk. Place said milk into the trolley with the babies. Very quickly remove said milk bottles. Hand loaf of bread to the eldest child who acts like it’s 50kg and is under immense torture. Hook a bottle of milk onto each pinky finger, and push the trolley to the checkout.
11. Wait until the cashier is clear before offloading your 3 items onto her till, as 3 pairs of hands are now grabbing sweets and chocolates and magazines and all of the other wonderful things lined up at the till section. Again, curse yourself for going out with all 3 kids.
12. Pay for your
3 4 (forgot the chips didn’t I) items, and take off like an F1 car from the till, as the chips are now finished and the babies now want EVERYTHING. This is when you realise that your wet wipes are finished, as the babies managed to get more chips in their hair and between their fingers than in their mouths.
13. Make it back to the car that is 14km away, giving a silent air punch that you survived. Offload the 1 shopping bag into the car, and wrestle the 2 babies into their car seats.
14. Remember that you have another child that is not in the car, and bundle her in quickly, side-eyeing everyone just to make sure that they didn’t see her ambling around the car, alone. Realise that there is a smell wafting from 2 little bottoms, but knowing that you have no wet wipes, you block out the smell and turn a blind eye.
15. Drive home, trying to ignore the whining babies who want the juice that you forgot at home, and the drop lip of the eldest who didn’t get the toy that she wanted. Promise that you’re never EVER going shopping with all 3 kids (alone) ever again.
1. Park in the first available parking, grab your purse, walk into the shop, walk to the bread aisle, grab a loaf, walk to the dairy aisle, grab 2 bottles of milk, walk to the till, pay and go home.
Yep. Pretty much covers it.