This Friday marks a whole year that the twins have been with us. A whole freaking year. My sanity still in question, I don’t know how we’ve made it. I’m talking about me, I’m taking about the husband, I’m talking about our marriage, I’m talking about our bank accounts; I don’t know how we’ve made it. People ask me all the time; “how do you manage?” and quite honestly, I don’t know. You just somehow adapt. There are 2 little people who, at the same time, need you and you have to be there for them. Although I have a helluva lot of respect for parents to triplets, quads etc because I have NO idea how THEY do it.
The husband has been at me for the last 2-3 weeks, asking what I’m doing for the twins birthday. Yes, what I’m doing. Anyway, I told him that I want nothing big, they’re only turning 1 and that I’ve learnt from Morgan-Lee; there is no need for a huge party with people that they don’t know. Plus, we can’t afford anything big! PLUS, it’s the husband’s birthday as well! Yes, excellent planning on my part. The twins were born on the husband’s 34th birthday. I just honestly couldn’t go on being pregnant anymore, so it was either the 12th of February, or the 19th, and I emotionally and physically could not be pregnant for another week. But I digress.
I sent out a message earlier to some of our closest friends and family, just letting them know that we’re having a small, informal get-together on Friday afternoon, to celebrate 3 very important birthdays. I asked the husband for 2 of his friend’s numbers, and he refused to give them to me. “The ‘party’ is only for the twins” he tells me. I told him ok fine, I’ll just message their ladies. He then tells me, no, don’t.
I told him last year that even though the twins were born on his birthday, it’s still his birthday. He told me that he’s never having a birthday again, because they’re born on his birthday. In total fairness, in 2014 he was admitted into hospital on his birthday, and in 2015 we were again in hospital, having 2 babies. He’s just totally disinterested in his birthday. And that honestly makes me sad. He’s bummed that he’s turning 35, and he doesn’t have much to show for it. Yeah well, I’m turning 30 next month (the horror) and I don’t have much to show for it. Or do I?
I have 3 beautiful children, a husband who I want to throttle most days but love on the others, a mom that is just beyond incredible, and an amazing support system through my friends and family. No, I’m not into birthdays myself. But the way the husband does what he does, all for us? That’s definitely something to be celebrated. Yes, we argue and we fight and we swear and we threaten to leave. But we’re still in it. Still carrying on. Still making our way through life, together. As a team. Although some days, we both feel alone, and that’s something that we both need to work on, together.
So this Friday (I’m really hoping that my boss approves my 1/2 day leave request) I WILL make it about him, AND our babies. Not about our babies and him. He is every bit as important as the twins, if not more important.
I just wish he’d see that.