2016; the year of maybe, just maybe

I’m not what you would call a positive person. I say realist; the husband says pessimist. Potato potaato. I rarely get my hopes up for anything, as life has unfortunately given me too many letdowns, or should I say, I have had too many letdowns in my life. But 2016 is proving to be putting up a little more of a fight.

The husband and I started the year on a bit of a high; 2015 ended up with us having a little bit of spare cash, our family life was relatively stable, and work was well, work. But then a week in 2016, things got a little better. Work wise the husband is happy, stable and secure, I was able to buy “big school” uniforms without breaking the bank, and everything just seemed to be falling into place. Fast forward to the last week of the new month, and things have just continued on the up and up.

The husband is doing so well at work; he’s so happy and he’s finally being realised for the hard worker that he is. I knew that it was only a matter of time, but those first few months were trying, both financially and emotionally. The big girl is LOVING school; in fact on her second day she promptly informed me on the way to school that I must no longer walk in with her, as she knows where her classroom is. Cue my broken heart bouncing all over the floor. I’ve applied for a position at our head office, and whilst they haven’t even started shortlisting candidates yet, I just have a good feeling about it. We were contacted on Wednesday regarding an invoicing issue from the gearbox repairs that we did on our car back in October, and they’re refunding us a portion of our payment today. Yet another month has come and almost gone, and we’re still standing. And not just standing, smiling. Laughing. Happy. Not just surviving. We’re still living each and every day as if we were struggling as badly as we were, as who knows how long this could/will last.

I just find it absolutely amazing that 2.5 months ago, I didn’t know how I was putting food in my children’s tummies, or petrol in the car. I have some amazing guardian angels in my life; friends and family, both near and far (like, internationally far) who rallied around me, and gave me not only emotional support, but financial support, enough to see us through the month. Enough to pick up my spirits, and carry on fighting the fight. To those beautiful souls who helped out my family in our time of dire need, I will never be able to thank-you enough for what you did for us. And not just from the financial side of things. Your messages, scriptures and words of hope, love and support comforted me in some of my darkest hours.

2016 has so far proven itself to be a very interesting year; I have learnt who my true family members are, and not all of them are blood related. I have learnt that I am a good mom, even though I stumble through it most days, my children love me and I love them with all that I am. I have learnt that even though the husband and I are at each other’s throats at least twice a month, we love each other so deeply, and 12.5 years into it, we’re still learning about each other, learning what makes each of us tick. I have learnt that you cannot expect change, from someone who simply refuses to see their flaws and make the necessary changes, even though they are making the exact same mistake, for the 15th time. I have learnt that I need to take a step back, even if it means watching that person fall and crash, purely because they have refused to listen to reason. I have learnt that I am stronger than I ever knew I was, both physically and emotionally. I have learnt that I don’t have to be strong all of the time, that it’s ok to lose my cool over the fact that the babies are crying AGAIN and I still haven’t showered and we have to leave the house in 5 minutes. I have learnt that I am not supermom, I am just mom. And that is enough.

2016, I have a feeling about you. Dare I say a good feeling, but a feeling nonetheless.

Bring it.

G

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