reflections

In 2 weeks, this year will be coming to an end. And I for one, cannot WAIT to see the end of it.

First little cuddle with our twins - Thursday 12 Feb 2015
First little cuddle with our twins – Thursday 12 Feb 2015

It’s been extremely draining; physically, emotionally and financially. We’ve welcomed our twins, seen our eldest daughter finish her first year of ‘big school’, made some good decisions, and some not-so-good decisions, and somehow, are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I find it mind-blowing that a month and a half ago, I didn’t know where our next meal was going to come from, or with what petrol I was going to get to work with, to now, where we have just a tiny bit of breathing room. Where if I see a little toy or sweet for Morgan-Lee, I can actually buy it, without stressing as to how it will affect me paying my bills at month end. No, our financial woes are far from over. But we can breathe a little easier, a little deeper, and actually have a decent Christmas. I can spoil my kids if I want to; I can buy myself a cd if I want to. I can actually look at, and seriously consider buying the husband the sunglasses that he really wants (and needs) without worrying how it will break the bank.

Morgan-Lee in one of her more 'normal' sleeping positions!
Morgan-Lee in one of her more ‘normal’ sleeping positions!

Yes, life has been extremely tough these past 2 months. I am utterly exhausted from stress, and the twins having never slept through the night. I feel cut off from the world some days, afraid that I’m doing the same to Morgan-Lee when we sit at home on weekends, and I think that’s why I’m happy to send her off to her best friend’s house for sleep overs and play dates, because I know that she’s having fun; she’s getting out. She’s able to be a child.

But.

I’m so blessed. I have 3 healthy children. I have a husband who most days drives me insane, but who works so flipping hard for us, his family. To keep the roof over our heads; to put food on the table for us. I have a nanny who is like a second mom to the twins, and without whom, I would be absolutely lost. I have a mom who would bend over backwards (and who does and has, far too many times) for me and my little family; I have siblings who are always looking out for me, and I have just a handful of close, good, wonderful friends, who even though we don’t talk often, or see each other that much, I know would be there for me in a heartbeat.

Our wonder-nanny, Thully
Our wonder-nanny, Thully

Yes, this year has been hard. There have been some major curve balls thrown to me, and a couple of them have hit me, hard. But right now, at this point in time, things are ok. I dare to even say, they’re good. But this is life for us as it is for so many; ups and downs, so often too many downs, but that’s how we learn, and from our learnings, grow.

2016 is very fast approaching, and even though I say it every year, this time I believe it; 2016 is our year. We have struggled and battled our way through life for the past 9 years; enough is enough. 2016 brings with it the opportunity for a fresh start, to wipe the slate clean, to make new memories, and put our learnings from past mistakes in action.

2015, you’ve given it your best shot, but we’re all still standing. A little battered and bruised, but also wiser and stronger.

So, are we doing this or what?

G

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