damn it silver lining, where are you?!

I’m not what you would call a ‘positive’ person. I tend to see myself as a realist; my husband calls me a pessimist. Potato, potato. Whatever. But in the past few months, I’ve been trying to see the silver lining, trying to stay positive. But it’s not working out so well.

Things are at a crisis point in my family, and I don’t know how to fix it. And what is it all related to?

Money.

It was the husband and my wedding anniversary at the end of September. We couldn’t go out for supper and celebrate.

It was Morgan-Lee’s birthday last Monday. We couldn’t take her out for supper and celebrate. We had burgers for her birthday supper, or rather burger patties between slices of bread, because I couldn’t even buy bread rolls. And the most heartbreaking thing of all? Her telling us “It’s ok mommy and daddy, I like the bread burgers. I know we don’t have a lot of money. It’s ok.”

Her second tooth fell out 2 nights ago. I got R10 from my mom to put under her pillow, so that she wouldn’t think that the tooth fairy didn’t come.

I start paying back the loan to repair our car’s gearbox this month, but the ironic thing is that I can’t even drive the car at the moment, because the battery is stuffed. It’s R1000 or so for a new battery, so the car is standing.

Even if the car battery was ok, I still couldn’t drive the car, because the licence expired on Saturday. That’s another R700 or so.

We’re one month behind on our rent. Our landlord doesn’t seem to have noticed, but we know. And it’s a scary thing, knowing that your landlord could arrive at your door at anytime, asking for that one month’s overdue rent.

I managed to buy another tin of formula for the babies, and am left with R100 for the month; do I use it for petrol, or for electricity, seeing as by the end of today, I’ll have neither.

I’m one month behind on Morgan-Lee’s school fees. I luckily have a payment plan in place, but legally the school could suspend her, as Grade R is not a compulsory year, and is so deemed as ‘private’.

The husband is so far in the red, he’s about to declare bankruptcy. All his bank account did this weekend, was bounce.

The car that I’ve just loaned R25,000.00 to have the gearbox repaired? We might have to give it back to the bank, as the monthly repayments are crippling us, and we don’t want to fall behind.

We’ve sold so many of our possessions and belongings, we’re down to the last 3 or 4 valuable things. Once they’re gone, I don’t know. And that’s if we can even sell them. I’ve been advertising them for over 2 months now. Not because we want to get rid of our things, but because we simply don’t have any other choice.

I have even considered resigning from my job, so that I can get my pension payout, to help the husband out of his situation. We’d be ok for like a month or 2, but with no guarantee of another job, is that a risk I can take, with 3 children to provide for?

So silver lining, I know you’re there.

I just really, REALLY wish you’d make yourself a little more visible.

G

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5 thoughts on “damn it silver lining, where are you?!

  1. Pingback: reflections | a little bit of me

  2. Pingback: that funny little thing called family | a little bit of me

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