my heart is so sore

I’m a mom. The twins will be 3 months old next Tuesday, and I have a 5 year old as well. Maybe that’s why this story is hurting me so much, I dunno.

Yesterday I was told that one of my colleague’s wife had a baby on Tuesday. She was 2 months premature, as the mom’s blood pressure had sky rocketed, and the little one wasn’t getting enough blood in her womb, so the doctor’s opted to deliver her early, essentially to save her life. So this precious little girl was delivered 2 months early, weighing a mere 780g. But apart from being in the NICU, she was ok. Weak, but ok.

She died last night.

She didn’t die because she was weak, because she was 2 months premature. She died, because there was load shedding (for those of you not living in South Africa, our power utility is a piece of crap and can’t keep the lights on, because they don’t know what maintenance is, thus they cut off our power anywhere from 2 to 4 hours at a time. They’re called ‘planned outages’ but they themselves don’t know what a schedule is, but that’s a story for another day) and the incubator that she was in, did not have an adequate power supply. There is an investigation into what exactly happened, but from what I’ve been told, the generators kicked in about 3 minutes or so after the power went out, and there was no UPS (uninterrupted power supply) keeping the incubator going in the interim.

Maybe if the little one had died from natural causes, it would be ‘easier’ to take in a sense, but this was preventable. Yes, she was 2 months premature, but premature babies pull through all the time. And what’s even scarier in a sense, is that this happened at the very same hospital that I had the twins at 3 months ago! I experienced load shedding 2 out of the 4 days that I was in hospital (yes, they even load shed hospitals) and what if my twins were in the NICU, in incubators? Would I even have twins now? I am so very grateful that I gave birth to healthy babies that didn’t require any medical assistance, but it doesn’t make my heart any less heavy and sore right now.

May that little princess soar above us in peace, knowing that she was loved for every second that she lived.



4 Replies to “my heart is so sore”

  1. Outch! I can’t stand hearing something like this either, but sice yours were birthed in the same hospital- no wonder it strikes so close to home.
    And yes the whole electricity crisis in the region is worthy a hell of a lot of posts.

    The don’t care mentality or blame Apartheit is comming back with a vengence since no one can blame apartheit any longer.



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