Children are a blessing. I won’t deny that. But I also won’t deny that they’re tough to deal with, especially in their first few months. Multiply that 1 baby by 2, and you have my current situation.
My mom-in-law was with us for the twins’ first 3 weeks of life, and for that I’m so grateful. She was such an incredible help, and very rarely did I have to deal with both babies. When she left to go back home, almost 1000km away I sort of lost it. All of a sudden I had to deal with both babies, at once! The lowest point was when the twins were 4 weeks old, and I didn’t know what I was doing, why I was doing it, and why the hell I’d decided to have another baby. My family was just perfect with the 3 of us in it, but I was adamant that we needed to add to it, and now I had these 2 little people that relied on me 100% and I thought I was losing my mind. I would definitely say that I had a bout of post-natal depression, but it was up to me to pull myself towards myself and get over it.
Luckily, this time around I did get over it very quickly. With my eldest daughter, it wasn’t so easy but I had a constant support system as we were living with my mom. This time around I had 2 babies and we were in our own home, and I was alone for all intents and purposes. In a few days I was almost back to normal, as I realized that no amount of “what if’s” were going to change my situation. I was a mom to twins, and they needed me. So I went into robot mode, and did the very best that I could, and knew how.
The twins are 8 weeks old this Thursday, and I can happily say that things are so much better, and I’m no longer in “robot mode”. I’m really enjoying them now, I’m enjoying being their mommy. I’m interacting with them more, talking to them, cooing and laughing, smiling and encouraging their personalities. Yes it’s been tough. Yes, I was depressed. Yes, I didn’t want them. Post pregnancy hormones are nasty buggars. It wasn’t a pleasant few weeks. But I feel like I’ve really got this now, and I’ve even managed to start to engage and interact more with my husband and eldest daughter again. For those first few weeks I locked myself away with my thoughts and loneliness, and it hurt me. It hurt my family. But this hasn’t exactly been a “normal” situation.
We are a family of 5 now, and I honestly can’t wait to see what the future holds for all of us.
Yes it’s been tough. But nothing worthwhile has ever been easy.