i don’t have a perfect child

Technically, no one has a perfect child. And I have always been the first to tell people that M-L isn’t perfect. Maybe I’m in the wrong. Because according to the parents of her now former crèche, L and I let her get away with anything and we don’t discipline her her, and are letting her run wild. I cannot even explain how this has infuriated me.

This whole situation started, well actually was brought to my attention 2 Sunday’s before Christmas, by not only a dear friend but also a fellow mom at M-L’s crèche. M-L had spent 3 days at her house as she is/was best friends with her son, and the crèche had closed for the year and we both thought that it would be great for the kids to spend some time together outside of school. Well the complaints about M-L started after the first day, primarily about her not listening and being very stubborn. Please take note that the nanny that my friend had only just recently hired is actually a chef by profession, and as far as I know, doesn’t really have any actual childcare experience. Apparently “nanny” just couldn’t handle M-L and was absolutely exhausted and had a bad headache by the end of the first day, all because of M-L, my 5 year old daughter. The second day was pretty much the same, and apparently on the last day, the Friday she was a little better. Anyway, I thought everything was fine, and even received an offer for M-L to go back to her friends house on the following Monday! Sunday came around, and I received a message from my friend, stating that M-L had destroyed her son’s trampoline, and she couldn’t believe how destructive she was and now that’s R2.5k wasted and she’s going to have to buy another trampoline. I was obviously shocked; M-L has been naughty in the past and has broken things, but how does a 5 year old destroy a trampoline? It later emerged that it was just the protective rubber stuff on the bars of the trampoline, and that the entire trampoline didn’t have to be replaced. What also wasn’t discussed, is that this trampoline is also an outdoor trampoline, thus the UV rays will degrade it. One just has to look at my neighbour’s trampoline for proof of that!

It ended up being a good 30-45mins of messaging, and it emerged that my friend believed that M-L has some underlying issues that L and I either don’t see, or are refusing to acknowledge. My friend pretty much said that we as M-L’s parents refuse to see that she isn’t perfect, and let her get away with whatever she wants. All of the other parents at the crèche see it, AND the teachers and principal. I was flabbergasted. It then emerged that M-L and her “issues” have been discussed with not only my friend, but with several other parents. Her “issues” have yet to be discussed with L and I, her parents. Anyway, I did manage to sort things out with my friend, only after L had gotten involved and actually made things worse (gotta love him for trying, and for standing up for M-L and I) and we ended the chat with her telling us the we were always welcome at her house, and with me thanking her for bringing these issues to my attention, and that I was going to be looking into them. I also said that for now, M-L wouldn’t go to her house without me, just to prevent anything from happening. All was well.

Monday the 29th of Decemeber, I received a text from my friend in the evening, ending our friendship completely, and her telling me never to contact her ever again. It was a serious WTF moment. Earlier that day, I had emailed the principal of M-L’s crèche, pretty much demanding answers as to why my daughter was discussed with every other parent at her school, except with me or L. When I texted my friend back asking what on earth had happened (we had had contact before the 29th; we sent each other lovely messages on Christmas Day) she reiterated all of the points that she had made 2 Sunday’s prior, saying that she didn’t need the load of rude and hurtful messages that were sent to her by L and I, when all she was trying to do was help. I was stunned. I never once sent her a rude or hurtful message. Every single one of my messages were polite and in the spirit of saving our friendship. L’s messages may have been abrupt and to the point, but hardly rude and hurtful. Plus we’d sorted all of this out, and now a week later she decides to end it all, again?! In the interim, she had unfriended and blocked me on Facebook. The unfriending hurt; the blocking felt like I’d fallen off a 100ft swing and had landed flat on my back, totally and utterly winded. Well the principal denied contacting my friend after I’d sent her the email, as I did ask, purely because I had mentioned names in my email to her. The principal also never actually answered my main question, which was why had M-L been discussed with everyone except L or/and I, her parents? The principal denied that M-L wasn’t ready for Grade R (big school) and stated that she was a lovely, wonderful, delightful child in her school. I then asked why did she, as the principal got frustrated when I queried with her some months back when M-L had hurt my friend’s child, but my friend had told me about it instead of me being told about the incident by someone in her school, ie: her, a teacher, a nanny etc. “Oh I wish she hadn’t told you as we dealt with it.” That was the principal’s response. I don’t care how small an issue a teacher thinks it may be; as M-L’s parents we need to know about these things! And especially seeing as this wasn’t a once off incident; M-L has apparently been disruptive, destructive, stubborn, doesn’t listen and can show bullying tendencies. None of which we as her parents we aware of, because the crèche that I entrusted her to, where she spent 85-90% of her time, didn’t feel it necessary to bring up these issues with us. On my last day of work last week Wednesday (New Years Eve) I replied to the principal’s response, saying that she hadn’t addressed or answered the issue at hand, and that we do require urgent feedback, as we want to send M-L to a child psychologist for an assessment and chat. To date I haven’t received a response.

It’s also been bugging me, well not so much bugging me, but I’ve been curious as to why I hadn’t seen the principal’s Facebook posts for the past week. I checked a short while earlier, and she too has unfriended me. Talk about taking the cowardly way out. Her unfriending me honestly doesn’t faze me that much, as she’s always pleading for fundraising etc at the crèche, but is always off on holidays and overseas trips and family weekends away blah blah blah but still. Instead of admitting that there is a serious lack of communication at her school, and that quite honestly her teachers doesn’t really give a damn, she’s chosen to run away from it, because hey, M-L isn’t going there this year.

I am not trying to remove mine and L’s responsibility as M-L’s parents here. We could have also been more perceptive, and instead of being so wrapped up in our own lives paid more attention to M-L. But honestly in the evenings and on the weekends, apart from ‘normal’ 5 year old behaviour, she was nowhere as ‘bad’ as the awful stories that I’ve heard in the past 3 weeks. At the end of the day, she is our daughter, and as much as I refer to her as my princess, she isn’t one, and I know that. But I also can’t believe that this little 5 year old girl is 100% responsible for the destruction of a trampoline, especially when she is not the only child to have used it in recent months. This little boy always has friends over and his trampoline is frequently used. Yes, she maybe did pull the rubber/foam protection stuff off of the bars, but I liken that to pulling the paper wrap off of crayons, like we’ve all done at one stage, and which M-L does as well! I am not saying that her behaviour was right, all I’m saying is that she’s 5 years old. She’s learning everyday about the consequences of her choices and decisions, and these holidays she has been grounded 3 times. Ok, only for 1-2 days at a time, but again, she’s only 5! Yes, we have also noticed her lack of listening skills, and we also believe that she may have some deep seated issue that references back to my car accident last July, of which she was a passenger. It was a very scary thing for a then 4 year old to have experienced. Then there’s the fact that in a month or so she’s getting 2 siblings! That’s gotta be hardcore for any child, especially a sensitive little 5 year old who has had mommy and daddy all to herself for so long, and now the house is full of baby things, and I have this huge tummy, and and and. I think sending her for a chat with the child psychologist will only do her good and if it comes back that she’s a happy, well adjusted 5 year old, then my friend, and that cliched, cliquey crèche can go and shove it. And if it comes back that there are some issues that we need to tackle, then I will forever be grateful to my friend for raising her concerns with me, even though it cost us our friendship, but the school can still go and suck it as they didn’t feel the need to discuss our child with us.

And no, the twins will not be attending that excuse for a crèche in 2016!

Happy new year everyone!

G

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2 thoughts on “i don’t have a perfect child

  1. Glad the twins won’t be attending the crèche- it really sounds like the crèche was the problem and not your daughter. A chat to a child psychologist may be a good thing, I hope that this will be resolved for her sake as well as yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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