i had a *minor* meltdown this morning

To put you into context, I haven’t slept properly in 2 days. 48 hours. I am now at breaking point.

My Monday morning started like any other morning; alarm went off at 4am for me to put the geyser on, and again at 5am for me to get up. I was up at 5:10am not because I wanted to be or actually had to be (I did have to be) but because I had been 100% awake since 3am. The same thing happened on Saturday night. I am utterly exhausted. This is pretty much how both Saturday and Sunday night went, but last night I slept on the couch because it has been proving more comfortable than my bed lately:

*Went to bed just before 8pm.
*At 9:30pm considered watching tv. Decided against it.
*After dozing in and out due to the rabbits digging the crap out of their cages (we have a rabbit cage in our bedroom and downstairs in our lounge), at 11:45pm I get up (again; this is the 2nd or 3rd bathroom break), relieve myself and head back to bed.
*12:32am stares at me like a horror story. Cannot sleep. Get up to let dogs out to do their business, as well as do some business of my own. This is bathroom break 6 or 7 for me. I have at this point lost count.
*Managed to doze in and out due to rabbit noises, dog noises and me just being absolutely, 100% uncomfortable and in horrendous pain. Decide against anti inflammatories as my tummy doesn’t agree with them. This is now just after 1am.
*2am comes and goes; I have now hit bathroom break 9 or 10; again I have no idea. Have refilled the rabbits water bowls hoping they’ll stop digging the plastic bottoms of their cages; this works for about the 3mins that they take a water break.
*Just before 3am I’m up again for yet another bathroom break (I have not drunk ANY liquid of ANY form since before 8pm the previous evening) and decided to put the geyser on then, hoping I’ll get some sleep. Reset alarm for 5am.
*Like some sort of sick joke, my body clock wakes me from my highly uncomfortable doze just before 4am, because hey! It’s time to put the geyser on *sigh*
*Toss and turn until 5am, as well as make 2 or so more bathroom breaks, as well as fight for space on either my bed or couch with my little dog as she likes to curl up right by my feet. Which I love. When I’m asleep. Not awake.

Once I was up this morning, I did my usual; swept the floor of all of the sawdust that the rabbits inevitably kick out of their cages, opened the back door for the dogs, got my daughter’s bag packed for school, ran a bath, got dressed, woke my daughter up, got her into the bath, oversaw her getting dressed and brushing her teeth, ironed the husband’s work pants that he asked me to iron at 6:15am and I needed to get out of the house at 6:30am, changed my outfit as my maternity jeans (the really comfy ones) are actually a bit big in the waist and I was continually pulling them up, hauled M-L into the car with her school bag, ran back into the house for my cellphone on the kitchen counter, remembered to buy an electricity token otherwise we’d have run out, and off we went. Fetched my sister, got onto the freeway, dropped M-L at creche, decided to HELL with the preppy mothers at her school that refuse to park decently, thus I decided to park like a total b***h in the turnaround area because I am sick and tired of being one of the ONLY parents who actually respects the limited parking space, almost had words with an impatient mother who almost hit M-L with her car because she was in a rush to leave and was now trying to maneuver her way around my car, almost exploded (not quite like Mount Vesuvius but close) at the one teacher about the whole parking situation and how I’m the only parent who flipping respects everyone else and that I’ve had enough and screw them (I did apologise to her and I sent her a message – I hate taking my bad moods out on innocent bystanders!), dropped my sister off, drove into work and then as I was trying to park, L phoned me.

I burst into tears.

He was obviously concerned and asked me repeatedly what was wrong, to which I explained through huge gulps of tears and air, that I am utterly exhausted; I am now at breaking point and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Women who breeze through their pregnancies – well SCREW THEM! I am so over the pain, the uncomfortableness, the exhaustion, the fact that I don’t have control over my body anymore! I then listed everything that had happened that morning, and how it took every ounce of strength left in me to not swear him something awful when he asked me to iron his pants, or when he asked me about the electricity. He then started laughing, which made me cry more and I told him that he wasn’t helping me. He then told me that he couldn’t hear me, and kept laughing, but he was trying not to. Anyway, I managed to calm down after he told me to just take a sick day and come home, and I told him that I couldn’t; it wasn’t right plus I just have to get through this month of work and then I’m on 4 months maternity leave.

I normally tolerate pain very well, but I think with me not sleeping well, it is only exacerbating it, making it out to be worse than what it is. My body is not tolerating the pain as well as it normally does. So the pain, mixed with never being comfortable, mixed with exhausted, has almost cracked me. Almost. I’m not loony yet.

But let’s see what tonight holds. If you never see a post from me again, you’ll know that I well and truly lost it!

G

PS: the paragraph where I just typed and typed everything that had happened to me after I woke up is SUPPOSED to be a bit of a jumbled read. ‘Cause that’s pretty much my brain right now.

PPS: the husband phoned me earlier to let me know that he has managed to make a plan, and the 2 rabbits’ cages that were inside the house, are now outside, undercover as we’ve been discussing for the past few months. This makes me very happy 🙂

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3 thoughts on “i had a *minor* meltdown this morning

    1. I actually did have a much better night last night 🙂 having the rabbits outside has made such a difference, and I also only got up twice during the night. I woke up tired but ready for the day. Amazing what a decent night’s sleep does for a person 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: he’s a good man | the hilarious pessimist

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