note to self

When going up against a wall, the wall will always win.

And it most certainly did last week Thursday, the 31st of July 2014.  In a split second, our lives had changed.  No, no one died, and no one was injured.  but we’re screwed for all intents and purposes.

I had a car accident last week Thursday, and the insurance company wrote off Lizzy, our beautiful Mercedes Benz.  Lizzy, who we had only had for 8 months, Lizzy who actually belonged to the bank, Lizzy who saved my daughter and I from serious injury or harm.

Beautiful Lizzy, not so beautiful anymore :(
Beautiful Lizzy, not so beautiful anymore 😦

Written off, too costly to repair.  Sitting in a storage yard gathering dust.

In writing off the Merc, we also lost our deposit that we put down in December when we bought her, so even if my husband were approved for vehicle finance again, we have no deposit to put down.  Our branch manager at the dealership where we bought Lizzy from is an angel from above;  he is doing everything within his power to get us finance, but the banks are being difficult.  They say that even though my husband’s payment history is impeccable with regards to vehicle finance, his external account management isn’t great.  He isn’t behind on any of his accounts, he just pays late sometimes, which negatively affects his credit scores.  The insane thing is that he hasn’t changed how he manages his finances in the last 8 months, so why are they giving him such a headache about it now?  The branch manager at the dealership has asked the same questions;  why are the banks calling it ‘reckless lending’ if they approve my husband now, but they happily approved him 8 months ago?  What the dealership is trying to do, is not put through a ‘new’ finance request, but rather a ‘replacement’ finance request.

I also very stupidly did not take out car hire on my insurance policy, effectively leaving us carless until we actually figure out what the hell we’re going to do.  My husband is angry and hurt;  he works his backside off day and night, and in a split second all that hard work has practically been for nothing.

And I can’t fix it.

I can’t get any form of finance as I’m under debt review.  I am effectively useless.  I am just sitting, watching him stress and worry and cry and shout and yell and scream and be quiet.  I am of course sorting everything out on the insurance side of things, police reports, bank settlements etc but that too is tiring and taxing.  Once the insurance company settles with the finance house, and takes off the excess, we MIGHT have like R5k left over, if we’re lucky.  What kind of deposit is R5k?

The wall won that round
The wall won that round

I am however, beyond grateful that my daughter and I are ok.  We were both buckled up;  she was in her booster seat.  She did bump her head on the door, but didn’t lose consciousness.  I suffered whiplash and safety belt burns on my neck, but all minor issues in the bigger scheme of things.  Lizzy saved us from what could have been an awful, awful accident, injury wise.  My husband’s reasoning behind selling our Corolla last year and buying a bigger, safer car was justified by how Lizzy reacted last week Thursday.  But the ironic thing, is that I may as well have given the man that bought our Corolla the car.  The R48k that we got for the Corolla is gone.  R16k stolen by the disgusting second hand car dealership that sold us the lemon of the car last year after we sold the Corolla, and the balance now, after writing off Lizzy.  I’m trying to see the silver lining;  I’m trying to stay positive.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t losing that battle.  After everything that we’ve been through with regards to second hand cars since November 2013, surely enough is enough already?

I don’t know what we’re going to do.  I don’t have any rabbits up my sleeve this time around, no tricks.  Just nothing.  A vast emptiness of nothing.

Yes, a car is a material possession, and is replaceable, whereas a person isn’t.  But in what happened last week Thursday, my walls have crumbled in around me, and I don’t see a way out;  I don’t see the glimmer of light guiding me to the answer.  I am dealing with this alone and I can’t show my weaknesses;  I can’t show my tears.

I just don’t know what to do.

G

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7 thoughts on “note to self

  1. I am so, so sorry to hear about this and no words will make you feel better. I will be holding thumbs that your finance gets sorted out and that you get another car soon!

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    1. Thanks hun. It’s never a good time to have a car accident, but of all the times for it to happen, to not have a car this week is a nightmare. But I do still have a small bit of hope that it will all be sorted out and that we’ll be in a car sooner rather than later.

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  2. Pingback: still looking for the silver lining | the hilarious pessimist

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