i don’t understand it all

When I fell pregnant with M-L in February 2009, it was unplanned.  Well, unplanned on the husband’s part, semi-unplanned on mine.  But the point is, we hadn’t discussed it and said RIGHT, we’re going to try for a baby.  I fell pregnant after only being off contraception for just over a month.

This time around, with bambino number 2 on the way, again it wasn’t planned.  Well, this time around it was semi-planned on both our parts;  one can only tempt fate so many times (as the husband put it) but again, as much as we’d discussed a second child, we hadn’t decided to go and ahead and try.  This time around, I was off of my contraception for about 2 months and then BOOM!  The factory is open for business, as my GP put it!

What I don’t understand is this;  the husband and I have been very fortunate in that we haven’t had any fertility issues, or conception issues.  It’s just happened, as it is supposed to.  We weren’t even trying for children.  Why then, are two of my friends going through the most awful times, in trying to start and continue their families?

Friend “C”

C and her hubby D are high school sweethearts, have been together for 17-18 years, and have been married for the past 5-6 years.  They want a child.  They are ready for a child.  The problem, is that even though C’s womb and ovaries are all hunky dory, her fallopian tubes are absolutely stuffed, and her eggs cannot make the trip down her tubes and into her womb.  They have exhausted their savings, and are now even in debt from all of the medical procedures that C has had to try and clear her tubes.  She will never fall pregnant.  She will never carry her own child.

Friend “K”

K and her hubby have a beautiful little boy, who is their miracle baby.  K was on bed rest for the last few months of her pregnancy, and they have a gorgeous, healthy boy today because K followed the rules laid out for her by her doctors.  K has just had her 6th, or 7th or maybe it’s now her 8th miscarriage in a year or so.  She has some sort of deficiency, that even though has now been properly diagnosed, keeps attacking the foetus.  Last week she was 6 weeks pregnant;  today she went in for yet another DNC because her doctor could not detect the baby’s heartbeat yesterday.

There are people out there, who are ‘parents’ to the most beautiful, scared, unloved children, yet 2 families, that any child would be lucky to call theirs, cannot conceive, or are battling to conceive.  And then you get the husband and I, who didn’t even try very hard at all.

Yes, life is unfair.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on.

So much easier said than done.

BUT…

I feel guilty in a sense.  I am no better than any of my friends;  in fact they’re so much better than me!  Yet life has shown them the proverbial finger.

C and D will most likely adopt, and they’re also considering surrogacy, of which I have offered them my womb, when its current occupant has vacated, which should be next February!  But surrogacy is really expensive, as all of the surrogates medical expenses have to be covered by the parents, not the surrogate.

As for K and her hubby, I honestly don’t know.  I’m waiting to see if K has the strength to write another blog post, like the one that she wrote last week, that alerted me to her situation.  Because of how many miscarriage she’s had, her and her hubby tell no one that she’s pregnant, because ‘what if’.  And I totally get that.

But I really just do not understand it all.

G

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4 thoughts on “i don’t understand it all

  1. Oh, I ask myself the same questions 1000’s of times. People who would make wonderful parents can’t or have difficult conceiving and then there are people who don’t give a crap about their kids and they pop them out like bunnies ( I am related to some). It’s so difficult. But I really don’t think that you should feel guilty (although I totally understand it) because I really don’t think that your friends would want you to feel guilty. They would be happy for the gift of life given to you. strongs to your friends.

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  2. Twindaddy

    Life isn’t fair. Horrible things happen to good people and good things happen to horrible people. I try not to get caught up in the fairness (or lack thereof) of life because it will never make sense.

    I hope both of your friends find solutions that work for them and make them happy, though. We went through some fertility issues with Baby C, but after two years we ended up with a healthy (and crazy) baby boy.

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  3. I have similar experience.

    One day I said to my hubby, but when are we going to have a baby? The next I was pregnant about a month after I stopped contraception.

    Friends of ours have had to adopt. One of the children they adopted was taken back by the mother. Such a bad experience for them – these are really wonderful people. They had the little guy for two weeks! You get attached to them so quickly.

    Yea, that what if for your friend K – that must really be hard!

    You are really amazing for considering being a surrogate mother for your friends.

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  4. Pingback: to my unborn babies | the hilarious pessimist

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