protecting her heart

My best friend V recently made quite a few changes in her life.  She left her job of 8 years to move back to her home town, to start afresh.  One of the reasons for this move, was because she had found love.

V had already decided in November last year that she wanted a change.  She has already dreamed of retiring in Cape Town, but as she is still  many years away from retirement, that option fell a little down the list, and Jo’burg said hi!  As enticing as Jo’burg was, V decided to move back to the little dorpie (Afrikaans for ‘small town’) called Welkom, based in the Orange Free State.  She had no home to move into, no job to work at.  Just her, her 2 puppies and her life packed up into a truck.  V moved in March this year, and her ‘new’ life began.  She managed to find a job at the end of April, and they even matched her salary that she was earning here in Durban;  something that almost never happens in Welkom!  V then made the decision to move in with her boyfriend of a few months, because everything just seemed to be falling into place.  But I’m getting ahead of myself here.  Let me give you a little background info.

V and R knew each other from their primary school days, but V barely remembers R in those days at all.  V’s mom remembers him clearly;  he walked her home from school almost everyday, carrying her books.  R told V that he has loved her from their primary school days, but was always too shy to approach her in that way.  As V had no trouble finding boyfriends, R was always just a friend.  V then married her high school sweetheart J, and they moved to Durban in 2005/6.  V then divorced J in the December of 2007, because apart from racking up debt in V’s name, behind her back, her was also having an affair.  V then moved out, sold her fancy car, and carried on with life.  She even got 2 jobs in 2008 to help sort out her finances.  By the end of 2008, she was out of the debt that J had put her into, but her heart was totally closed off, due to the hurt and anguish that J had put her through.  V has had ‘boyfriends’ since then, but nothing serious.  The last relationship that was headed that route, resulted in V laying assault charges against him, because he attacked her at our place of work one night, when no one was there.  Then R re-entered her life last December.  So from December 2007 to December 2013, 6 years, V has had to support herself.  She had no one to fall back on, and she grew stronger because of it.  But her heart suffered.  Then R re-entered her life last December.

Yes, V and R moved quickly.  But so?  So what.  L and I had moved in within 3-4 months of us dating, and 10 years and 9 months later, we’re still together!  Some relationship work out that way.  Ah man does V love R.  She opened herself up 100% to him;  he managed to get her to talk briefly about the pain of her father’s alcoholism, what her and her family went through, and what his death from it all did to her.  She learnt that seeing R drink brandy in front of her brought out a side of her that neither of them liked;  brandy was her father’s favoured drink.  They went to Jo’burg every alternate weekend, because R had his 2 children from his first marriage with him on the other weekends.  V just clicked with R’s kids.  She treated them like her own.  Even V’s mom loved it when they called her ‘Ouma’ (Afrikaans for grandmother).  V was even called mama by R’s eldest, R junior.  And this weekend it all fell apart.

R drinks.  R does drugs.  Heavy drugs.  Drugs that can kill you.  V did not realise the extent of it all until these past few days.  On Monday night, when all she wanted to do was sleep because she has severe Bronchitis and has been told to rest by the doctor, she practically had to beg R to turn down the music, but it was 1am, Tuesday!  After promising that he would just play one more song, 20 minutes went by, and V packed a small bag and went to her mom’s house.  V then found out some other alarming issues, pertaining to his work, and made the decision to leave yesterday.  When she confronted R about it, he said that she made the decision to leave on Monday when she went to her mom’s house.  So V packed up her things, and moved out.  Yesterday, V told me that she still loves R so much, and that if R were to prove to her how committed he is to getting better, seeking medical help for his issues, then she would take him back.  V said that she was going to give R until December this year to get his life sorted out, and if he hadn’t by then, she would move on.

This morning painted a different picture.

V found a lovely little complex to move into, she said that things are falling into place, even with R out of the picture.  She then told me this:

“I feel f*** R he must come crawl back if he wants back.  I do love him but he has to realise he was wrong.  I will decide if I want him back, on condition he goes to rehab, which can take up to 3 months.  Without contact from the outside.  Not even a cellphone is allowed.  Not even deoderant.  It contains alcohol.  So yes I also believe he has a drinking problem.”

Now you may think that that’s the hurt talking, but you don’t know V like I do.  V does not do impulsive things, not when it comes to emotions, and not when it comes to work and life.  You always know where you stand with V;  she is always upfront and says it like it is.  That’s why when she told me that she had decided to move last November, a part of me thought she was joking, but I knew that she wasn’t.  Her mind was made up.  And when V’s mind is made up…  Well good luck to you.

V has been hurt by men over and over again.  I don’t know if she just attracts douchebags, or if they can’t handle the fact that she is independent and successful, but I really wish life would give her heart a chance to find true love.

So my strong, beautiful friend has had to cage her heart once more;  has had to build up her protective wall yet again.

All because the man that she entrusted it to, broke it.



10 Replies to “protecting her heart”

    1. I know right? If I could smack R I would, believe me. It took a lot for V to open up. But it’s ok; she is an incredibly strong woman and is excited for what the future holds for her:)


  1. Drinking and Drugs, really seems to be aproblem for the men folk in this region. It’s really sad that us ladies always have to bear and suffer the consequences. I hope your friend finds someone that respects her. All the best.


    1. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there isn’t much to do in Welkom. I mean, if V wants a decent night out, she travels to Jo’burg! But V is tough and strong and will get through this trying phase in her life. She at least has her family around her, so she is at least not going through it alone this time.


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