i think i’m a bully

I read a post today that figuratively slapped me across the face.  It started with this post, and I then found myself reading the bullying post with my hand across my mouth, because it was like I was reading something written about me.

I’m a bully.  I am a bully to my sweet, innocent, wide-eyed and inquisitive, beautiful little girl.  My little girl is only 4.5 years old, but I sometimes speak to her as if she were an adult, with coldness and harshness eminating from my every word.

I’ve never spoken ‘baby’ language to my daughter;  granted we have our words like ‘doo-doo’ (sleep) and num-nums (food) and kissy (kiss, as in “let mommy kissy better”) but that’s about it.  So I’m proud to say that at 4.5 years old, my daughter can hold a conversation with pretty much anyone, and that does include adults!

Reading Rachel’s post first about shining from within, and then bullying was an absolute shock to my system.  I don’t bully M-L all of the time, but when I do, it’s harsh.  I too am so critical of myself, but most parents are.  Flip, most human beings are too critical of themselves.  When I wrote the post about not being perfect, I said that it started with me.  I had to ‘fix’ myself before I could even think of ‘fixing’ my relationships with my daughter and husband.  But reading the above 2 posts earlier today has just really reaffirmed this for me.

I don’t know if I could ever be a ‘Hands Free Mama’ but I’m certainly going to stop being a bully.  My daughter is only 4.5 years old.

It’s time that I started treating her like one, and not like the adult I hope that she will one day be.

G

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3 thoughts on “i think i’m a bully

  1. herhighandmightyness

    Me. Too. I have so many moments when I instantly regret not only the words that came out of my mouth, but also the tone that I used with my daughter. I too, expect more than is reasonable. I too, have a tendency to expect her to act like a grown up instead of letting her be a kid. And I too am working on this. Hang in there! We are not alone. 🙂

    Like

    1. I think it’s also the tone that I use, not so much my words that hurt the most. And it so often ends up hurting me, because I see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. It’s utterly heartbreaking, and only I can fix it. And I’m certainly trying to. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. herhighandmightyness

        Me too. I hear the exasperation as it’s coming out of my mouth, but not always in time to stop it. And then comes the guilt.

        Like

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