I read a post today that figuratively slapped me across the face. It started with this post, and I then found myself reading the bullying post with my hand across my mouth, because it was like I was reading something written about me.
I’m a bully. I am a bully to my sweet, innocent, wide-eyed and inquisitive, beautiful little girl. My little girl is only 4.5 years old, but I sometimes speak to her as if she were an adult, with coldness and harshness eminating from my every word.
I’ve never spoken ‘baby’ language to my daughter; granted we have our words like ‘doo-doo’ (sleep) and num-nums (food) and kissy (kiss, as in “let mommy kissy better”) but that’s about it. So I’m proud to say that at 4.5 years old, my daughter can hold a conversation with pretty much anyone, and that does include adults!
Reading Rachel’s post first about shining from within, and then bullying was an absolute shock to my system. I don’t bully M-L all of the time, but when I do, it’s harsh. I too am so critical of myself, but most parents are. Flip, most human beings are too critical of themselves. When I wrote the post about not being perfect, I said that it started with me. I had to ‘fix’ myself before I could even think of ‘fixing’ my relationships with my daughter and husband. But reading the above 2 posts earlier today has just really reaffirmed this for me.
I don’t know if I could ever be a ‘Hands Free Mama’ but I’m certainly going to stop being a bully. My daughter is only 4.5 years old.
It’s time that I started treating her like one, and not like the adult I hope that she will one day be.