Ok 2014, let’s get 1 thing clear right here and now. If you are going to be as bitchy and nasty and awful and spiteful as your cousin 2013, there’s the door. I won’t be tolerating any of your nonsense ok? Great, now that that’s settled 😉
Yesterday I entered my first 1/2 marathon, the Kearsney Striders 1/2 Marathon. It’s a 21.1km run taking place on Sunday the 19th of January, and once again, I am not ready. I do it to myself, I know. However, I learnt so much from my previous 1/2 marathon, that even though I haven’t been training as hard as I should have been, I am more aware of what I’m eating and when to eat it. I do not want to run out of energy like I did last October. It was utterly awful 😦 My goal was to complete last year’s 1/2 marathon in 2hr20min, even 2hr30min but I ended up totally energy depleted at the 11km mark. With 10km still to go, that was not good. And the frustrating thing was, was that I was on track for 2hr20min. I had run the first 10km in 1hr10min, which was my normal time (with no training, of course 😉 ) But, silly me had only carbo loaded for 2 days prior to the race (and by carbo loading I mean like 2 pasta dishes, that’s it) and then did a double spinning class on the Saturday morning. So whatever energy my body had, was taken up during that 2hr cycle. My body didn’t stand a chance in that marathon. But it’s all good; I have downloaded the Comrades Marathon official ‘Finisher’s Medal Programme‘ and will be sticking to that for the next 5 months. Yes, I’d love to complete the Comrades Marathon in 10hrs or less, but that is a goal that I don’t think I’ll reach this year. My first priority and goal is to simply finish the Comrades Marathon. And if I do it in 11hr59min59sec, I will still have completed it.
The thing about me, is that I don’t like to fail at anything. Yes, I know that not most people do, but I REALLY don’t like to. I sometimes end up hurting or injuring myself, because I simply won’t give up. For example, the 1/2 marathon I ran last October. At 15km in, I was in agony. My joints were so stiff, I was almost out of energy sweets and I could feel the blisters on my feet. By 18km I was seriously stressing for time, was practically doing a duck walk and was almost in tears. But I refused to stop the race and be taken back by car. I was going to finish that race, no matter what. Yes, my feet suffered and I couldn’t run for about 3-4 weeks after that due to the blisters, and my knee and ankle joints felt that they had severe arthritis, but I completed the race, in the alloted time. It’s like my drivers’ licence; I had taken money with me to book again just in case I had failed, but inside of me I was so scared, simply because I had never failed anything in my life. Yeah ok, I’ve failed the odd test at school, but that was for subjects that I didn’t even end up taking 😉 The point is, is that if I fail at something, even if it’s something that I’ve chosen to do, a goal that I’ve set for myself where no one is relying on me, it hits me hard. I feel like a total and utter failure. And that’s a pretty crap feeling.
So anyway… I have decided that I am focussing seriously on my road running this year; I battle to motivate myself to get out there, but once I’m running, it is amazing. I can’t really describe it without sounding like I’m having a torrid love affair with a piece of tar, but that’s the only way that I can actually describe it. I can have the worst, most shitty day ever, but an hour run just soothes and relaxes me, and helps me to face another day at the grindstone. I will never be an award winning runner and that’s just fine with me.
I run because I want to. Not because I have to.