i don’t know where i went

I am going to start this post by saying this; I love being a mommy. I love the fact that I make my daughter feel safe. I love hugging her, I love kissing her, and I love snuggling with her on the couch and in bed. I love my daughter.

But I don’t know where I went.

My daughter was unplanned, as I think a lot of children are these days, but from the moment that I knew that I was pregnant, I wanted and loved her. I cannot imagine my life without her, although some days, I do wonder what it would be like

To be able to lie in on the weekends past 6am.

To be able to read a book and get past the first page.

To drink that bottle of wine and not have to worry about the hangover the next day.

To go to bed without supper, because I just don’t feel like cooking.

To be able to do my hair and make-up for work each morning, without waking up at 4am to do so.

To be able to fit into my clothes that I wore 4 years ago.

To be able to go for a run without worrying about anyone.

To work late without having to organise lifts, food, bath time and bed time.

To go for drinks after work without feeling guilty about missing a bed time.

To sleep through the day if I feel like it.

To have a pyjama day and eat popcorn and ice-cream and chocolate and watch dvd’s.

To have money in my bank account 2 days after payday.

To buy myself anything that I want, instead of worrying as to how it will affect everything.

To play xbox for as long as I want without ignoring anyone.

To have me time.

Any parent who tells you that parenthood is wonderful 100% of the time, either has the perfect child, or is lying. Parenthood is tough. I thought my pregnancy was tough and painful and uncomfortable. Nuh uh. Parenthood is way tougher than pregnancy.

This list may seem very selfish, but just because I had a child, doesn’t mean that I am forgotten about. Although most days I am. My daughter comes first, then my husband, then my family, then my dogs, and then sometimes me. I miss the freedom that I had before I had my daughter, but I love my daughter way more than what I miss it.

I don’t know where I went, but I got my daughter instead.

G

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