I got home yesterday, unsure yet pretty sure of what I was going home to. For the past 2 days, I’ve gotten home to a husband asleep, and I mean passed-out-asleep on the couch, and I haven’t woken him until supper was ready. I have had to assume full household responsibility, something that I’ve never had to do before when he has been there. I am used to being a single parent during the week, as my husband travels so much and is generally away every single week, however it’s a whole different situation when you’re a single parent, but your husband is there. There, but not there.
I walked into my house yesterday, and an immense wave of despair hit me. The house was in darkness; he was asleep on the couch, and I knew that I wasn’t going to get a chance to ‘put my feet up’ until about 8pm or so. The thought of having to think about supper with limited food resources, bathing our daughter, sorting out the animals, tidying the house, just totally overwhelmed me, but I couldn’t show it. I have to be the strong one, for both my husband and my daughter. I generally haven’t been waking him up, as sleep is the body’s way of healing itself, however yesterday I scolded the 1 dog a bit too loud, and he woke up.
He acknowledged me.
He enveloped me in a huge hug, held me tight, and thanked me for everything that I had done this week. I didn’t know what to say. I merely replied that it’s things that I should have been doing all along, but inside I was sobbing. I admitted that this week has been tough, but that I just dealt with each day as it’s come. I sent him the following text on Tuesday :
“My baby love, I can’t even imagine at what a trying, difficult and frustrating time this is for you. You are no less of a man; you are a better man because you asked for help. We will get through this TOGETHER.”
I meant every single word of that message. For better or worse.
He will be ok.
We will be ok.
I will be ok.