2 years ago

Dear Gog’s

2 years ago you closed your eyes for the last time.  2 years ago I realised that I could of, and should have been a better granddaughter.  2 years ago, a piece of my heart died.  2 years ago, you died.

Not a single day goes past, where I don’t think of you, your laugh, your smile, your wit and your wisdom.  Goodness knows I sure could have used some of your wisdom over these last 2 years.  You were the most disciplined woman that I have ever known, and I hope that some of your discipline is in me.  I remember how serious you always were, and just when I wasn’t expecting it, you’d do something funny or totally out of character and we’d laugh about it for days on end.

They say that you never know how much someone means to you until they’re gone.  Never a truer word was spoken.  Gog’s, I wish that I had made more time for you.  I wish that I had visited you more, come over for lunch or supper more, phoned you more.  I wish that I had written to you more whilst you were overseas, wish that I had had more contact with you.  I should not have left the phoning up to you.  Now that you’re gone, I see all of the wrong that I did, and I will always be heartbroken, and so disappointed in myself for it.

Thank-you Gog’s, for ALWAYS believing in me.  In my stupid decision making days (some of which I still have), in my over-achieving days, in my average, run-of-the-mill days.  Thank-you.

I wish with all of my heart, that you could have physically met your great-granddaughter.  That 1 Skype session was all the 2 of you got, and I’ll treasure that day for the rest of my life, but I wish it could have been more.  Don’t we all wish for more, when what we got was just not enough.

I am raising my daughter in your image;  kind, disciplined, fair, caring, objective and hopefully good with money, something I’m still absolutely hopeless at!  I hope that when she is grown up, that I will see a great deal of you in her, by what you instilled in me.

I miss you Gog’s, and the ache in my heart reminds me of this every single day.

Until we meet again.

G

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