you are my forever after

My husband and I have a tendency to not let the other person finish what they’re saying, thus resulting in a fight of epic proportions, sometimes some tears, and most often a lot of swearing.  Fights are just so much more interesting with the odd swear word thrown in.  Ok, in our case, more than the odd swear word…

I have in the past, been the one to want to throw in the towel and end it.  I have been so quick to say “it’s over!” or “I want a divorce!”.  It’s happened a few times over the last few years, but the time that really sticks out for me is Thursday, the 25th of November 2010.  My mind was made up.  I was divorcing him.  Our daughter was 1 year and 2 months old and I had had enough.  I look back and wonder in awe at how cold I was that day.  I think it was because I was totally numb to all feeling and emotion.  He tried to hold me and I fought him off, like really fought him off.  You know in the movies when the guy and the girl have a fight, and it ends with the guy grabbing the girl in a huge hug and she tries to get out of his hold, but eventually succumbs and they all live happily ever after?  Yeah, that is so not what happened.  I remember keeping to myself that day, not speaking to anyone at work about my decision, none of my friends or family.  Well, my mom knew because we were living with her at the time and she didn’t really have a choice in overhearing our argument that morning.  My husband on the other hand, well he contacted his parents, my other parents and pretty much got the cavalry called in.  But I was adamant that it was over.  I remember the hurt in his eyes, his dejected look, and I remember that it did nothing to change my decision.  I was numb.  I was cold.  It, we, were over.

Have you ever noticed, that once you have made a decision, and you know that you’re sticking to it, everything else just seems to fall into place, like making the decision was the hard part.  Acting it out and beyond is the not so hard part?  Yeah, well that didn’t happen either.  According to the ‘stars’ (no I do not believe in that crap) a Pisces (that’s me) and an Aquarius (that’s him) are one of the most incompatible couples in the universe.  Yeah.  No shit sherlock.  But there is something between us.  There is a spark between us that hasn’t faded in the last 10 years, and I don’t think that it ever will.

So anyway, long story short, I revoked my decision and we had a very long overdue chat and promised each other to try harder with each other, communicate better etc.  We have had other fights, I’ve demanded divorce as recently as the end of last year, however none of these fights or demands have stuck out for me like the one in 2010.

My husband is stubborn, pedantic, infuriating, cold, non-romantic, a wonderful father, giggles like a little girl sometimes, gives the most safe-feeling hugs, impatient but patient, and overall a good guy.  He and I just don’t gel some days.  Or most days.  But the days that we do gel, are some of the most amazing days ever.  The sun shines a little brighter, the birds sing a little louder (which is really flipping annoying) and the grass seems greener (I’m allergic to grass).  Those are good days.  And the good days might not outweigh the bad days as in how many there are, but the goodness of these days banish any ounce of badness.

So, this is basically an apology to my husband who is not answering my calls after our latest argument that started yesterday morning.  You are my forever after.  I love you with all of my heart husband.

And then even a little more.



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