an unconventional bravery

Pregnancy and my body do not agree.  Well, 3.5 years ago they didn’t agree.  And I am now sadly living with their disagreement.  As it turns out, my skin is not elastic.  At all.  Like, non-existent elasticity.  I woke up when I was about 5.5 months pregnant so this array of bright red, angry stretch marks reaching from underneath my swollen belly, to almost right underneath my breasts.  Heartbroken I was, to say the very least.  As the years have progressed, these stretch marks have gone from an angry red, to a beige, white sort of colour, but they’re big and ugly, and I’m very self-conscious of them.  And seriously, if I receive 1 more message about how they’re my ‘tiger stripes’ I’m going to scream.  Anyway, when I’ve worn a bathing costume, it’s been a simple 1 piece, as that’s all I own in the 1 piece department, and my gorgeous, and I mean GORGEOUS bikini gathers dust.

So on Easter Monday, I went off to the beach with my daughter, brother and his girlfriend.  I decided to wear my bikini.  I tried, but just could not muster up the courage to take off my vest and shorts, resulting in a rather hilarious vest and short tan.  The short tan I don’t mind, as I wasn’t planning on taking off my shorts anyway, but the vest tan is, well, a real facepalm effect.  The weekend after our beach trip, we decided to hit the beach again on the Sunday.  I once again wore my bikini with my vest and shorts.  However, it went a little differently on the beach that time around.


About 20 or so minutes after we arrived, plucking up what little courage I had, I removed my vest.  Thank goodness I had my sunglasses, as I was absolutely hiding behind them!  I saw people looking, and I was embarrassed, but a small part of me, a very, VERY small part of me, was giving myself a pat on the back for doing what I did.  I took a stroll down the beach with my daughter, my high rise shorts luckily hiding a lot of the marks, but there was still a fair amount on show.  But my daughter was having such a blast, and was laughing and smiling and at that specific point in time, that was all I cared about.

Pregnancy changed my body, and I wear clothes to hide how it changed my body.  I detest what pregnancy did to my body, but, I look at my daughter, how she’s learning and growing and how she is the absolute light of my life, and I think to myself;  she was all worth it.

Remember to fart fairies and burp unicorns.



2 Replies to “an unconventional bravery”

  1. Gogs would be happy to see you writing a blog. She always knew you had such potential. I still have the copy of your Hansie Cronje poem on my desk so you don’t just ‘wannabepoet ‘you are a poet. XX Cathy


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