How to get fired – guaranteed 11 step programme

Step 1 – offer to do a delivery for your company to a customer that you KNOW will have cash waiting for you

Step 2 – not realising that you’re being filmed, place the said money into your handbag once you have done the delivery

Step 3 – realising that your game is up (1 month later) send out 1 x lame ass e-mail to your boss, stating that you have no idea what happened to the money, and that you’ll pay it back

Step 4 – get arrested for theft, at work (damn, not quite but oh so close!)

Step 5 – get sister to bail you out

Step 6 – come to work the day after you were arrested, to continue working for the company that has just accused you of theft

Step 7 – get handed your letter of immediate suspension and get asked to leave the premises (immediately of course)

Step 8 – have disciplinary enquiry where you deny all charges and profess your innocence, until a dvd of you pocketing the money is shown

Step 9 – admit guilt

Step 10 – be  found guilty by relevant labour brokers etc

Step 11 – be handed your letter of immediate dismissal, and are informed that you are NEVER to set foot on work premises EVER again

Oh, and whilst all of this is going on, DO NOT forget your other criminal case, you know, the one where you’re being sued for credit card fraud…

Guaranteed to work, EVERY TIME…


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