Becoming a ‘new mommy’ for the second time round, I thought that I would be prepared for the onslaught of people who would stare, smile and ask questions.
Boy was I wrong.
Below, are just some of the questions that I’ve had thrown at me over the past 5 months:
1. Are they twins?
No. The hospital had a buy 1 get 1 free special, so I took them up on it.
2. I’ve always wanted twins; it must be so amazing!
Yes. Being woken up 6-8 times during the night/morning because either 1 or the other, or if I’m really lucky BOTH babies decide to wake up is what I always wanted to happen to me. Sleep, totally over rated.
3. Did you have them naturally?
At first I thought the lady was asking me if I had a natural birth, and then I clicked. Seriously, wtf?! What a personal question; what if I had conceived them via IVF or surrogate? What if I had been trying for years, and had suffered miscarriages or still births like some of my friends have? I was so taken aback by this questions, that I plastered a fake smile on my face and stated yes, yes they were. I didn’t have a sarcastic, witty comeback for this one.
4. They must be such hard work hey?
No, actually they change their own nappies, dress themselves, feed themselves and even help make supper some nights.
5. Are they a boy and girl?
Hmmm, let’s see; the baby dressed in BLUE is drinking out of a BLUE bottle, and the baby dressed in PINK is drinking out of a PINK bottle. Honestly, I don’t know hey.
6. Do twins run in the family? You’re so blessed!
Yes, twins do run in my family. Yes, I am blessed.
7. Did you breastfeed them? Are you breastfeeding them? That must be such hard work!
Again strange-person-whom-I’ve-never-seen-before-and-most-likely-never-will-again, what a personal question! Yes, no and yes. At this point I normally throw in a gross story involving breast milk, vomiting and a pillow case. ‘Cause you know, you asked!
8. Did you have them naturally?
Ok, this time around the question actually reads right but again, what a personal question! What does it matter to you if I had them naturally or not? And then when I say no, I see the look of smugness on your face, or the mild shaking of your head. Not that I have to justify my actions to you, a total stranger, but I’m quite glad that my vajayjay doesn’t look like an over-stretched piece of leather. Oh you had a natural birth with your singleton? Then you MUST know exactly what it’s like to have a natural birth with multiples. Naturally.
9. Are they identical?
I just… I mean… *sigh* No, they’re fraternal twins, non-identical. The fact that they’re a boy and a girl, that wasn’t obvious enough I suppose.
10. Are you sure they aren’t identical? They look so alike!
Is there a non-sarcastic reply to this question?! The fact that they are brother and sister might have something to do with them looking alike… I’m not 100% certain, but I’m fairly positive.
But quite honestly, the one thing that really and absolutely makes me see red, is when complete and utter strangers come up to me, and think that it’s ok to touch my babies. Whether it be on their heads, arms or legs, wtf? Yes, you seem like a sweet little granny but I don’t know where your hands have been! And even if you’ve just sterilised your entire body, DON’T TOUCH MY BABIES!
Even the twins are like, seriously?!
How about I come up to you, and start pawing away at your body? It honestly just makes me want to sit at home and never go out, because people just do not respect personal space and boundaries, especially when you have twins. It feels like people have never ever seen 2 babies and 1 mother before!
Yes, babies bring out the gooey parts of people, and even I enjoy looking at other people’s little ones, but that’s just it, I look, don’t touch. If someone asks if I’d like to hold their baby, different story.
Babies are awesome; twins are awesome. Babies are hard work; twins are hard work. I have battled with my twins; it took some serious adjustment on my part. Yes, I’m severely sleep deprived, my hair hasn’t seen a straightener in months, and I live in jeans and takkies. But I love my babies; it’s been 5 months of laughing, crying, sleep deprivation, happiness and love, and whilst 1 night’s uninterrupted sleep would be so appreciated, it’s all a part of the journey called parenthood. I’ve had baby poo under my nails, smeared on my cheek (still trying to figure that one out) and my current record for t-shirt changes for myself in 1 night, is 6. I’ve held a crying baby for over 2 hours, unable to soothe her, until she passed out from the sheer exhaustion. I’ve sat in bed at 2am with both babies cooing and babbling for over 3 hours, because they weren’t tired. I’ve watched my husband and eldest daughter sleep, whilst trying to soothe both babies at 4am. I’ve had one baby fight the bottle, whilst the other downed it so fast, he vomited it all up 2 minutes later. I’ve had the babies fight sleep until 5:55am and then miraculously fall asleep, all whilst I fight sleep as I need to get up for work, but have been awake since 3am with them.
Yes I’m a twin mom. No we aren’t a freak show.
Please stop treating us like one!