to my grandfather

I never knew you. You took your last breath just over 6 years before I took my first one. I’ve seen photos of you and whenever you’ve been spoken about, it’s only been positive.

But I wish I’d known you.

I wish I’d known the man who raised my father and aunt, who married my wonderful grandmother, had a successful legal firm, and provided for his family.

I wish I’d known the man who instilled the values and respect into my father and aunt. The same values and respect that have been instilled in me. And the same that I’m instilling in my daughter, and 2 unborn children.

I wish I’d known the man who happily took the family station wagon to work every day, even though there was a company provided, chaffeur driven vehicle at his beck and call.

I wish I’d known the man who gave his family everything that he could.

I wish I’d known what I would have called you instead of grandfather.

But most of all…

I wish I’d known you.

G

Written in response to The Daily Prompt

just one question?

I am a complex person. As is most of the human race. To try and determine whether or not you like a person with just one question, is unfair. However, pick your nose in front of me, be unjustly rude to a waitron, cashier or any other person in the service industry ‘just because you can’, be cruel to an animal or child and other delightful traits like that, pretty much means that I won’t like you. Even if we’ve never even said a single word to each other.

But the very one question that would determine if we could build up a friendship?

“Please sit down – hope you don’t mind the dog hair?”

Now that’s not actually a question. It’s more of a statement, because I quite honestly do not care if you mind the dog hair or not. You’re a guest in my home; my pets aren’t. You’re a potential friend in my life; my pets are my children. And so on and so forth.

So please, come on in and take a seat.

Hope you don’t mind the dog hair.

G

what are you grateful for today?

Recently there’s been this “7 day gratefulness” challenge going around Facebook. I wasn’t nominated (thank goodness) but it was quite interesting reading my timeline, seeing what all of my friends were grateful for. Most of them were grateful for their health, families, jobs etc, and it got me thinking. I know, me, thinking? That in itself is a rather scary thought!

What am I grateful for? I have so much negativity going on in my life right now, that it is sometimes difficult to see the positivity that I DO have in my life.

1. I have the most gorgeous daughter (no I’m not biased at all) who fills my life with love and laughter, stress and frustration, and who loves me so genuinely and innocently that she just makes all of lifes stresses seem like nothing.

2. I have a roof over my head every night and every month, even though the rent isn’t always paid on time. Our landlord is so understanding, and in this day and age, it is difficult to find an understanding landlord. Now if he would only fix the door frame, and 2 broken windows, and…

3. I have the most wonderful friends, who out of their kindness of their hearts loaned me their spare car, whilst we try and sort out our car mess. No it’s not a fancy car. It makes me miss my Merc every day, but it’s wheels, and it’s getting M-L and I from A-B. THANK-YOU.

4. With all of the stress that I’ve been under in the last 7 weeks, I still have had an extremely healthy pregnancy so far; the doctor is so happy with the twins progress; they’re big and healthy and everything is just perfect! I’m in excruciating pain because of them, but THEY ARE HEALTHY. That’s all any mama could ask for.

5. I have a mom who is just the most wonderfully amazing mom there is (again, not being biased). She can come across as so cold and uninterested at times, but I know her, and all she ever does is put me first. Thank-you mommy.

6. I have the most INCREDIBLE family in the UK, who have gifted L and I with some money to go out and buy car seats and another pram for the twins. I’m sure that we would have made a plan somehow, but knowing that this is just 1 less thing that we have to worry about, is such a weight off of my shoulders, and I am eternally grateful.

7. The SAME family in the UK, have shown me nothing but the most AMAZING support, in both my pregnancy with M-L, and now with the twins. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

8. My father-in-law, who comes across as this all-business-and-no-play kinda guy, but has the biggest heart of gold, and is always willing to help if he can. L and I are so blessed to have you in our lives.

9. My siblings. They all drive me absolutely insane and up the wall most days, but wouldn’t life then be so boring if they didn’t?

10. My husband. We have had some serious downs in recent months, but together we have the strength to work it out. Thank-you for fighting for us, every time that it feels like the light is getting dimmer and dimmer. I don’t need all of the money in the world, because I have you.

Sometimes it takes someone to give you a virtual slap (in or some people’s cases an actual one) for you to realise that HEY! – my life actually isn’t that bad!

So, what are you grateful for today?

G

i’m ok with the hand-me-downs

2009; my daughter was both conceived and born.

2009; I learnt how generous family, friends and colleagues could be.

The only new things that were purchased for my daughter’s impending birth (and I’m only mentioning the big, expensive things) were:

a pram
a changing table

The rest was all given to us! From newborn bath tubs to bags of clothes, 3 different sized car seats, toys, packs of unused disposable nappies, toiletries, etc, we were incredibly blessed by the generosity of those around us.

I'm finally past that "is she pregnant or just fat" stage!

I’m finally past that “is she pregnant or just fat” stage!

This time around, it’s sort of the same story, but as there are 2 little people growing inside of me we do still need to buy a couple of things like, another pram, another car seat etc. But because I kept most of the things from when my daughter was born, it’s not that much of a stress. I’ve already been offered so much from my colleagues that I’m truly blown away! At the rate that babies grow, I don’t see the need to go out and buy millions of new outfits, because knowing my luck, they’ll end up wearing them once or twice and then they won’t fit anymore. I happily shopped at second baby stores when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I will be happily shopping at them again this time around. I’ve found that second hand stores, especially second hand baby supply stores stock some really decent things, and if you’re just prepared to spend a little extra time looking, you can find some real gems.

So thank-you Daily Prompt, for reminding me to be thankful for the hand-me-downs in my life.

G

i’m a big girl mom

M-L is turning 5 next month. 5 people. I haven’t even begun to plan her birthday party, which for the past 4 years, has always been planned by this stage in the year. The main reason for this is that the venue that we’ve had her party at previously closed down in January, and I’m absolutely stuck as to where to have it this year. But M-L’s birthday and party are not what this post is about.

Yesterday I was running a wee bit late for work. Nothing unusual really, but I was concerned that I just might walk through the door after 8am. As I was driving into M-L’s school she told me that she’ll go into school alone. I asked her if she was sure, and she said yes, she wanted to. As I was in a rush, I didn’t think much of it, gave her a kiss and a hug, and off she went. This morning however, it was a slightly different story.

As we drove down the driveway to her school, she prompty turned to look at me and said that she’d go into school by herself again this morning. I looked at her quizzically and asked her if she was sure, and I told her that I really wanted to walk her into school. To which she responded

“It’s ok mommy. I’m a big girl now; I can go to school by myself.”

Well I didn’t have a comeback for that. I silently unbuckled her safety belt and unlocked the car doors, and she opened her door, hopped out and grabbed her back, looked back and gave me a little wave, with a “see you later mom, have a good day!” and off she went. She didn’t even look back.

My greatest wish is that I’m able to raise my children to be independant, self-reliant people, but sheesh! Starting a bit young don’t you think?! What happened this morning has been playing on my mind the whole day, and I know that when I fetch her this afternoon, that I won’t have to go inside to fetch her, as she will come out to me, bag in hand, ready to jibber jabber about her day in the car to me.

I’m so proud of the fact that she’s growing up so well (I’m obviously doing something right then – phew!) but if only she could stay my little princess for as long as possible… I think that’s every parents wish really.

Grow up slowly my angel, enjoy your childhood. Be a little girl, be a princess, be a tomboy and have no cares.

I love you.

Mommy

i’ve grown up mom

In 2011, at the age of 25.5 years old, I moved out of my mom’s house. I was married with an almost 2 year old, and I’d never been more scared in my entire life. I admit that the first few weeks in our new home were daunting and exciting and definitely eye opening! I was head of a household and didn’t really know how to be!

My mom visited my home last year, and even though it was a rushed visit, it was awesome. The reason? It was the first time that she had done so, and I’d moved out almost 2 years prior. The reason that it took so long for her to come to my new home? Not from a lack of invitations, but because it cemented the fact that I was grown up. Yes yes, I was already married and was a mom too, but whilst living in her home, I wasn’t really ‘grown up.’ Now I had my own home, my own kitchen, my own lounge, my own carport, my own garden! I had pictures on the walls, clothes strewn all over my bedroom, and she couldn’t tell me to tidy any of it up! Well technically she could, but it’s not like she could take away my dessert if I didn’t! I absolutely respected her reason for taking her time in seeing where I now lived, and since that first visit, we’ve had a few more. I still practically live at her house, with almost daily visits after work, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I absolutely love having her in my space, in my home. I am the eldest, the first born, and also my mom’s most dependant child.

I’m grown up mommy, but I’ll still take that hug, that kiss, and I’ll never stop calling you mommy, cause that’s what you are.

Forever and always.

Gazillions.