well i’m glad that weekend is over

Who the hell says that they’re glad that the weekend is over?  Me, for the past weekend.  Because it was one of the most draining, exhausting weekends I’ve had in a long while.

My wonderful weekend actually started on Thursday evening, when my daughter developed a rather high temperature, and wouldn’t settle.  I gave her pain and fever medication, but she tossed and turned and was incredible restless until about 02h30 on Friday morning, that when I eventually went and lay on the couch, I got maybe 2.5 hours sleep, as she then came through at about 05h00 to lie with me, and as she was so damn hot, I couldn’t get back to sleep.  This child had such a high temperature that I actually couldn’t touch her, because it felt like she was burning me.  It was awful.  I ended up dropping her at my mom’s, and she watched her for me on Friday whilst I was at work.

I contacted my mom just after lunch time, and she said that her temperature had dropped, but that she was still lethargic.  I checked up on her throughout the day, and she was sleeping each time I phoned.  When I went to fetch her, she was like a little rag doll;  absolutely exhausted, barely able to open her eyes and just wanted to sleep.  I took her temperature and it was sitting at 38.5˚c which is very high.  I gave her some pain and fever medication, waited 30mins and took it again;  38.9˚c.  As the GP was already closed, I decided to take her straight through to the emergency room at the hospital.  We got there just before 19h00 on Friday night, and when the admitting staff saw my daughter limp in my arms, they sent me directly to a bed with her, and a nurse was at her side almost immediately, taking her temperature, checking her blood sugar etc.  The doctor saw her just after 20h00 and decided to put in a drip, as it was the fastest way to get both pain and fever medication into her, as well as an antibiotic.  My poor princess knew exactly what was going to happen;  they were going to ‘pinch’ her hand.  They tried to put the drip in her right hand as they had pricked the finger on her left hand, but they eventually blew the vein as she kept moving, and after 2 attempts they decided to do it in her left hand.

It is one of the most awful things that a parent has to do;  intentionally inflict pain on your child for their benefit.  I ended up lying next to her, helping to hold her down, stroking her head, whispering comforting words to her, and she ended up not making a single peep when they inserted the drip into her left hand.  She pulled the most awful face – I almost ended up crying just looking at her, but the main thing is that they got the drip in and started the meds.

Sick princess - drip already in

Sick princess – drip already in

The meds needed 30mins to infuse, so they said that they would check on her in about an hour.  When they checked on her, her temp had actually gotten worse instead of going down, so instead of going home, I was told that she was going to be admitted.  Minor heart failure on my part!  As there were no beds at that hospital, they had arranged for an ambulance to take her to the other hospital down the road where they had a bed in pediatrics for her.  I think I was actually shell shocked;  I couldn’t believe that she wasn’t responding to the medication and that she was going to be admitted.  As it took a bit of time to arrange the paperwork and the ambulance, we were left alone for about another 30mins, and I noticed that she wasn’t so flushed anymore, and that she had stopped sweating.  She also felt quite a bit cooler to the touch.  I called the nurse and she took her temperature, and lo and behold, it had dropped by almost 2˚c!  We all agreed that the medication just needed some time to work its way through her system, and they let us go home.  It was a bit of a scary drive home, as it was close to midnight, I was exhausted from hardly any sleep the night before, and it was a good 40km drive back home, and I could feel my eyes dropping.  All I could think of was getting my daughter home safely, but I was concerned that I was going to fall asleep behind the wheel!  Luckily we made it, and I collapsed into bed.

Saturday she woke up feeling much better, although she had a nasty, chesty cough.  She and I stayed home the whole day and watched tv, and did puzzles as I didn’t want her over-exerting herself.  It was such an incredible change from the day before;  such a huge relief.  In the afternoon we went through to the shops to buy her a little toy for being brave the night before and all too soon it was bed time.

Sunday arrived and it was time for me to go to my second job (waitressing).  I had been asked to go in early due to a big booking coming in, and I did not stop the entire day.  You know that pregnant women get lower back pain?  Yeah well mine has hit really early, and by the time I got home yesterday I could barely walk;  in fact my legs almost gave in under me as the pain in my back was so immense.  I could also feel a cold coming on, and true’s bob, I woke up with morning with a full on head cold :( It just makes my intense back pain so much more awesome ;)

I’m extremely grateful that my daughter wasn’t admitted into hospital and that she’s on the mend, but I can’t do another weekend like this one anytime soon.  What makes it even worse is that I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and the back pain is just making it even worse.

So I’m a huge ball of sunshine today;  if you see me coming, best turn around and walk the other way ;)


the expendables 3

A while ago I wrote a post about tough guys, the action guys of old, wondering where the hell they’d all disappeared to, and then lo and behold, The Expendables franchise came out!  I love action movies;  I love fight sequences, I love big guns and loud explosions.  And I especially love Sly Stallone.  At 60 plus years old, the man just gets better with age.

Last week Thursday, my mom and I went off to Gateway Shopping Centre in Umhlanga, as I’d won 2 tickets to see The Expendables 3 through MNet Movies, and it was just what I needed.  I must admit, I was a bit disappointed that Bruce Willis and Chuck Norris weren’t in this instalment of the franchise, but it was still a good movie.  It opened with action, and it ended with action!  There was also some comedy thrown in, which just made it that much better.  And as for Kellan Lutz?  Gone are his sparkly vampire days;  he kicked some serious butt in this movie, WITHOUT the help of his fangs!

Wesley Snipes was also a fantastic addition to the cast, apart from the fact that his character should be locked away in an insane asylum and the key thrown away!  I haven’t seen him in a movie recently, and it actually took a second or so for me to recognise him with his wild eyes, afro and man beard, but he played the part brilliantly.

I must sadly admit that Harrison Ford hasn’t aged very well…  He’s still sexy-ish, but he’s definitely not the gorgeous Indiana Jones anymore!  Although I will credit his helicopter scenes;  they were beyond phenomenal!

And as for Antonio Banderas…  If you go and see this film – Puss in Boots!  You’ll know it when you see it :)

What I also really enjoyed about the 3rd instalment, is that they mixed the old school way of doing things ((skop, skiet en dorner) for the non South African;  kick, shoot and beat up) with a modern twist;  gadgets and devices and all of those awesome little things that make being an international team for hire all that more thrilling!

Overall it was an awesome movie, with some rather sexy ‘mature’ men and I thoroughly enjoyed it :)


note to self

When going up against a wall, the wall will always win.

And it most certainly did last week Thursday, the 31st of July 2014.  In a split second, our lives had changed.  No, no one died, and no one was injured.  but we’re screwed for all intents and purposes.

I had a car accident last week Thursday, and the insurance company wrote off Lizzy, our beautiful Mercedes Benz.  Lizzy, who we had only had for 8 months, Lizzy who actually belonged to the bank, Lizzy who saved my daughter and I from serious injury or harm.

Beautiful Lizzy, not so beautiful anymore :(

Beautiful Lizzy, not so beautiful anymore :(

Written off, too costly to repair.  Sitting in a storage yard gathering dust.

In writing off the Merc, we also lost our deposit that we put down in December when we bought her, so even if my husband were approved for vehicle finance again, we have no deposit to put down.  Our branch manager at the dealership where we bought Lizzy from is an angel from above;  he is doing everything within his power to get us finance, but the banks are being difficult.  They say that even though my husband’s payment history is impeccable with regards to vehicle finance, his external account management isn’t great.  He isn’t behind on any of his accounts, he just pays late sometimes, which negatively affects his credit scores.  The insane thing is that he hasn’t changed how he manages his finances in the last 8 months, so why are they giving him such a headache about it now?  The branch manager at the dealership has asked the same questions;  why are the banks calling it ‘reckless lending’ if they approve my husband now, but they happily approved him 8 months ago?  What the dealership is trying to do, is not put through a ‘new’ finance request, but rather a ‘replacement’ finance request.

I also very stupidly did not take out car hire on my insurance policy, effectively leaving us carless until we actually figure out what the hell we’re going to do.  My husband is angry and hurt;  he works his backside off day and night, and in a split second all that hard work has practically been for nothing.

And I can’t fix it.

I can’t get any form of finance as I’m under debt review.  I am effectively useless.  I am just sitting, watching him stress and worry and cry and shout and yell and scream and be quiet.  I am of course sorting everything out on the insurance side of things, police reports, bank settlements etc but that too is tiring and taxing.  Once the insurance company settles with the finance house, and takes off the excess, we MIGHT have like R5k left over, if we’re lucky.  What kind of deposit is R5k?

The wall won that round

The wall won that round

I am however, beyond grateful that my daughter and I are ok.  We were both buckled up;  she was in her booster seat.  She did bump her head on the door, but didn’t lose consciousness.  I suffered whiplash and safety belt burns on my neck, but all minor issues in the bigger scheme of things.  Lizzy saved us from what could have been an awful, awful accident, injury wise.  My husband’s reasoning behind selling our Corolla last year and buying a bigger, safer car was justified by how Lizzy reacted last week Thursday.  But the ironic thing, is that I may as well have given the man that bought our Corolla the car.  The R48k that we got for the Corolla is gone.  R16k stolen by the disgusting second hand car dealership that sold us the lemon of the car last year after we sold the Corolla, and the balance now, after writing off Lizzy.  I’m trying to see the silver lining;  I’m trying to stay positive.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t losing that battle.  After everything that we’ve been through with regards to second hand cars since November 2013, surely enough is enough already?

I don’t know what we’re going to do.  I don’t have any rabbits up my sleeve this time around, no tricks.  Just nothing.  A vast emptiness of nothing.

Yes, a car is a material possession, and is replaceable, whereas a person isn’t.  But in what happened last week Thursday, my walls have crumbled in around me, and I don’t see a way out;  I don’t see the glimmer of light guiding me to the answer.  I am dealing with this alone and I can’t show my weaknesses;  I can’t show my tears.

I just don’t know what to do.


horse dovers

The husband and I were lying in bed last night, him reading his book and me almost passed out.  I heard this little snicker, and I felt him giggling.  I rolled over and looked at him quizzically, then asked what he was laughing at.

“Hors d’oeuvres.” he snickered

On our first wedding anniversary in 2010, he spoilt me by taking me to a rather nice restaurant in the heart of Durban, called the Roma Revolving Restaurant.  As you dine, the restaurant rotates 360°, giving you the diner, a fantastic view of Durban and her harbour, which is especially gorgeous in the evening.  As we were looking through the menu, my husband so genuinely asked me what horse dovers were.  I looked at him, cocked my head to the side and blatantly went HUH?!  Horse dovers he repeated.  Horse dovers.  Ok, horse dovers.  I opened my menu to the page that he was on, and instantly burst out laughing.

Horse dovers = hors d’oeuvres

My husband does not have the best grasp of the English language;  his spelling and grammar is atrocious, and his idioms are the things of a great comedy, but that night will forever remain etched in our memories as a good night, a good memory.

Sometimes it really is the little, silly things that remind you of the bigger things that you should be grateful for.


to my unborn babies

Earlier this week, your daddy and I found out that there isn’t just one of you in there, but two!  I would be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t really a little scared.  I’m still battling to grasp the concept of 2 little beings growing inside of me.

I’m worried where we’re all going to fit;  in the car, in our house and in life in general.  I picture myself popping out to the shops with a baby on each hip, M-L walking next to me, my hair a total mess (that’s actually nothing new), baby ‘stuff’ on my shirt and most likely my pants, one (or knowing my luck both of you) will be crying for something, and it really is so much for me to take in right now.

My worst fear right now is that people will see me as ungrateful, when that is so far from the truth!  I am feeling truly blessed at the fact that there are 2 of you in there;  I have friends desperate for children, to have their own little person to love, and here I am, blessed with the 2 of you, and your big sister!  I mean WOW!

But it’s not going to be easy little ones.  It’s a daily, let alone monthly struggle in our household.  Daddy is a hardworker, and he does everything in his power to provide for us.  I’m working 2 jobs and your big sister even has chores!  But one thing we have an abundance of, is love and hugs and kisses and laughter and smiles.  We may not be the richest family with regards to financial wealth, but we are beyond rich with our love.

So babies, mommy’s scared.  Mommy has even cried.  Mommy actually laughed for almost 4 hours straight when she found out that there were 2 of you in there.  But most of all, mommy loves you so very much, and can’t wait to meet you next February.

All my love


i forgot

On the 9th of July, it was 3 years since my Gogo (grandmother in isiZulu) passed away.  And I forgot.  I don’t know how I forgot;  she is constantly in my thoughts, I knew the 3rd anniversary of her passing was coming up.  And then today, I realised that I had totally forgotten about it.

My gran was one of the healthiest people that I’ve ever known.  She walked on a daily basis, she ate healthily, watched her cholesterol and lived an overall healthy lifestyle.  She emigrated to the UK in July 2009;  I saw her for the last time on the 19th of July and she flew out on the 20th.  She passed away from bowel cancer on the 9th of July, 2011.  I had seen her once or twice since 2009 via Skype, and then we had emailed as well, but it wasn’t the same.  She also saw M-L once via Skype, when she was about 4-6 months old, I’m not too sure of the dates.  But I forgot about the anniversary.  How could I forget?

I’m not that great with people’s birthdays (thanks Facebook :) ) but  for some morbid reason, I’m really good with death dates.

24 October 2000 – my Nana passed away (cancer)
24 July 2004 – my ex-boyfriend’s (now dear friend) mom passed away (cancer)
14 June 2008 – a school friend was murdered in a hijacking (shot in her chest)
09 July 2011 – my Gogo passed away (cancer)

Perhaps it was due to everything happening in my life at the moment;  on the 3rd anniversary I was pregnant, but we didn’t know that it was twins but even still it was weighing on my mind.  Financial stress, car stress, but none of those factors should have allowed me to forget such an important date.  I cannot allow my life to overshadow the other things going on around me.

Gog’s, I think about you almost every single day.  I miss you, and I love you dearly.

I’ll be seeing you.


double trouble

I consider myself a blessed woman.  I have a roof over my head, a loving husband (most days) a gorgeous daughter whom I love with everything that I am, and a wonderful, supportive family.

Funny thing, family.  Especially on the genes side of things.

We always knew it was a possibility.  It has happened on both the husband’s side of the family, and mine.  The chances were high.  But until I saw those 2 little heartbeats yesterday, I honestly never thought it would happen to me.

Double trouble is on the way!

Double trouble is on the way!

Twins, arriving end Feb, 2015.

I’m going to go and sit in the corner for the rest of the day.